I’m guessing many of us have heard the advice that if you’re caught in a current in the ocean, to not struggle and fight against the current because that only tires you out and actually can pull you farther from shore. I’m not a good swimmer (I’m pretty much not a swimmer at all), so I don’t know if that’s true or not. What I do know is that the counsel to not struggle but to go with the flow (or current) applies to just about everything else in my life.
I am a fighter. It’s maybe taken me years to admit that, and nearly everyone close to me would most likely agree. When I’m hit with a challenge, or I think I’m hit with a challenge, my first impulse is to summon up my strength and take the challenge on headfirst. I give it my all. I dive all in. I metaphorically (and sometimes literally) kick and scream.
Sometimes when things feel even tougher than usual, I just might wallow in the pain and suffering. I just might allow myself to kick up all the old baggage that is similar – or even just a little bit similar. I just might allow myself to stay with the pain, and ache for all my past aches.
But I’ve realized over the years that my struggle is not worth it. It generally doesn’t get me the results I want, and it generally doesn’t get me the sympathy I want. And, when I stop and think about it, I don’t really want sympathy anymore anyway.
My struggle doesn’t bring me any good. It pulls me down. It slows me down. It drags down others around me.
I don’t deny my pain anymore. I don’t pretend it’s not there, like I used to when I was a child. But I also don’t need to stay in it or with it any longer.
I don’t need to struggle. It’s not worth it.
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