Monthly Archives: February 2017

Allow yourself to have no agenda

Allow yourself to have no agenda. This was what my yoga instructor offered the other day before our practice.

I don’t know that I’ve ever done that. Not really.

I was about to write that I have no agenda in my coaching, and that’s partially true. But if I am fully honest, my greatest agenda is to touch my clients and to provide whatever value they need. I’ll let myself be okay with sticking with that.

But no agenda in my daily life? I teach people to be intentional. Can I intentionally have no agenda?

I practice yoga because it’s fun, and for mental and physical strength and ease. Is that an agenda? I lift weights because it’s fun, and for strength and power. Is that an agenda? I am, as much as I can be, present when I’m with others and there to connect. Is that an agenda?

What is the difference between being intentional and present, and having an agenda? Is there a difference?

I like to think there is. To me, having an agenda is driving towards an outcome. It’s trying to “achieve” the yoga pose, or pushing whomever I’m with to my point of view. It’s writing and hopefully soon publishing my book not just to have impact, but to reach a certain pinnacle.

What is the difference between having a goal and having an agenda?

I think allowing myself to not have an agenda gives me permission to be more in the flow of what is. I still need permission to step, and color, outside the lines at times. I think it’s okay – and good – for me to be intentional. It’s okay – and good – for me to set goals and to know what I’m “after.”

And it’s even better, and more freeing, when I know where I am and where I hope I’m heading, and I allow the journey to unfold. My yoga practice is what it is today. My day is what it is today. My book is what it is today. My relationships are what they are today. My meditation is what it is today. I am who I am today.

This allows more space and peace, and more freedom and possibility. I can allow myself to be with what is and what unfolds, to know where I’m aiming and to take actions to get there, and to let it all be, with less of an agenda.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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The Messiah said I was bad

Something happened recently that kicked up old stuff. Old stuff that I somehow didn’t realize had cut me as deep and hard as it had. And that I somehow didn’t realize I hadn’t somehow worked through, with all the work I’ve done.

Long story short, when I was about 16 years old stories were told about me in the Church. Bad stories. I was accused of sinning in ways that not only I hadn’t done, but in my innocence, I couldn’t even have comprehended. And the stories were told to Rev. Moon – the Messiah.

So he declared that his children – who were my best friends – could only be around other children who were born into the Church. Other children who were born into marriages that he had arranged, performed, and “blessed.” Who were born, therefore, without Original Sin.

In other words, not me. He made this declaration to keep me away from his children.

I didn’t know, at the time, that stories had been told about me. I didn’t know that I was accused of being sinful and dirty. I only knew that I wasn’t allowed to be with my friends, and that things – and people – around me got weird.

It was only a few years ago that the immensity of that situation dawned on me. My Messiah – the Messiah – said I was bad. I already had a sense of being tainted and wrong. I already knew that I wasn’t enough, and that I was somehow inherently flawed. I already knew that I wasn’t quite lovable. And the Messiah – saying it without saying it – agreed.

In the movie Spotlight, about the priests who abused children, one of the victims explains that being abused by a priest is a double betrayal, because it is, in many ways, abuse by God. It messes with your understanding of god, and good and evil. In some ways, my Messiah declaring me undesirable had the same effect. I would never say it’s as traumatizing as abuse, but it was traumatizing. The person closest to our Heavenly Father – the most divine person on earth – knew I was bad.

I therefore must have been bad.

It was a mind bend. It certainly messed me up. And I somehow didn’t realize how huge it was until recently, and I didn’t realize how not over it I was until something in my life now blew up in some similar ways. People started telling stories and people started acting weird, and there I was, reeling from the Messiah saying I was bad.

I know now that that’s not the truth. I know that I’m not bad, and I know that any current situation will never be as traumatizing as things that happened when I was young. I know now that there isn’t a Messiah, and no one can declare me bad or wrong. I know now to breathe through the feelings and have compassion for the then me and the now me.

I know now that it cut to the core when the Messiah declared me wicked and unfit to be with his children. And I know now that nothing can cut me quite like that again.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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Lean in the direction of what feels good

I can do it. I can choose to see what’s working. I can choose to see what’s good.

I have an option before me in every moment. Do I want to focus on a struggle, or do I want to focus on a joy? Do I want to see the challenges in front of me, or do I want to look for ease?

I sometimes choose ease. I sometimes choose joy. I’m doing my best to choose them more and more.

If something makes me happy, I can look at it longer. If someone makes me laugh, I can talk with them more often. If certain places, or activities, bring a smile to my face, I can immerse myself in them.

I can lean in the direction of what feels good.

I think we’re somehow sometimes taught that harder is better. That it’s more virtuous to wrestle our difficulties to the ground then to turn the cheek and look the other way. I’m a pretty good wrestler, especially for someone my size, but I’m learning, and relearning, and relearning, that I never seem to win those matches. And that they’re not worth fighting anyway.

I’m deciding to walk away. To let things be. To look at the sunshine, or a flower. To snuggle with those I love, and love those I see. To surround myself and my heart and my mind with pleasure and beauty.

And to lean in the direction of what feels good.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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