Monthly Archives: May 2017

Love, love me do

It really is that simple. How can I love more and feel love more?

Yes, one of my top five strengths from the VIA survey of character strengths is Love, so maybe that’s why I focus on it so much. But I think there’s a reason they say, “love makes the world go round.” I believe we can never go wrong by bringing in more love.

I love to love. I love to love the people around me. I love to love my day and situation. I love to love my family and friends. I love to shine love on others and smile at strangers as I walk down the street. I love to make people laugh…and feel loved.

I get so much out of it. There is a difference in my day – in my life – when I choose to love. I can be angry, or I can let it go. I can feel hurt, or I can remember love. I can list all the wrongs I’ve received and pains I’ve suffered.

Or I can find something or someone to love right now.

I know I soar when I feel love pouring my way. I’m guessing everyone does. I know I feel more love pouring my way when I pour it out towards others.

If all I have is now, and all I need is love, then it’s pretty clear to me what my choice needs to be. I need to love, love me do.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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You can’t get it wrong

I think I have an underlying fear – at times – that I’m f—ing up. I think many of us do. My mind can barrel down a slippery, ugly slope. What if there’s a “right way” and I’m missing it? What if I’m not smart enough, or not figuring it out enough? What if I blow everything? What if I f—k up?

I’m taking a course on Positive Psychology, and we’ve learned an effective tool for the Worry Mind. It’s called Worst Case, Best Case, Most Likely Case. You allow yourself to go all the way down your slippery slope, to the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen. And then some. Then you allow yourself to soar into the stratosphere with the absolute best thing that could possibly happen – the sky isn’t even the limit here because they want you to push your best case to the same absurd level of ludicrousness as your worst case.

And then you determine what’s the most likely scenario. The scenario that has the greatest possibility of happening.

I’ve found this tool to be helpful, and offered it to friends and clients. It works and often offers a humorous respite in the process.

But what if instead of all my “what if-ing” about could go wrong and how I’ve f—ked up, instead I could wrap my mind around the idea that I can’t get it wrong. Ever.

That life is a journey and a learning process, and there are no f—k ups because I’m learning and growing. We’re all learning and growing. What if the constant change and evolving of life – and of me – means that there is no “wrong.”

If it doesn’t exist, even I – in all my (not true) beyond humanly power – can’t attain it. I can’t get it wrong.

I can’t get it wrong. I’m going to play with that, just like I keep playing with the Worst Case, Best Case, Most Likely Case process.

I can’t get it wrong.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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You’re perfect, just as you are

I’m noticing, again, how hard on ourselves we can all be. And how hard we can be on others. I’m noticing – all around me and in me – this need for things to be better. For us to be better. For others to be better. The compulsion to do more. To achieve more. To look better. To eat better. To exercise better. To be more understanding and patient, or more quick to decision and forceful. To finally write the book or change the job or be a better friend, spouse, parent, person…

The list is endless, and I want to share something radical with all of you who feel this compulsion (myself included at times) – you are perfect just as you are. Even if some of those are worthy goals, the truth can also be that right now is fine. That you are fine.

A large part of my recovering perfectionist path has been learning to balance the dichotomy of “there is no such thing as perfection” and “the present (and you within the present) is perfect just as it is.” As I get better at not striving for perfectionism (which I really am doing, even if some people around me would question that), I also allow myself the freedom to know that everything is perfect just as it is. Even the things that suck. Even the parts of me that I can (perhaps mistakenly) still think suck. Or still think you think suck. ☺

Allowing that I’m perfect, just as I am brings such ease and peace. Allowing that you’re perfect just as you are might be a bit tougher, especially if I really want you to do – or be – something different, but it still brings me ease and peace. The more I stop pushing and striving and trying…the more at ease I can be.

I encourage you all to stop, take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart, and remind yourself that you’re perfect just as you are.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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