There is no right or wrong

I can get SO caught in this. Trying to do what’s “right.” Terrified of doing what’s “wrong.”

These are old thought patterns – this belief that there is a “right” and “wrong.”

I was talking to a Second Generation the other day (someone who was born and raised in the Unification Church). We were laughing at the conundrum of being caught between “right” and “wrong” when there is no right and wrong. But boy, we were taught it, and boy is that learning a tough thing to put down.

When you’re taught that mankind has failed God endlessly – from Adam and Eve down to people on the street today – you become quite fearful of failing God. When you’re taught that even a quick sense of doubt as to the Truths you have been given is Satan himself doing all he can to pry you away from God and the path of righteousness, you come to doubt your own brain, your own thoughts, your own intuition, and your own best knowing.

You get really afraid of getting it “wrong.”

I now know there isn’t a right and wrong. And I now recognize when I get caught in the endless […]

Please welcome To The Moon And Back

My memoir will be published in September. The final manuscript has been handed in. The title has been set. And I’ve convinced the publisher that we should aim to be a New York Times bestseller. I mean, why not?

Please welcome:

TO THE MOON AND BACK
A childhood under the influence

Excited doesn’t begin to capture where I am right now. Thrilled. Pumped. Charged. And still a little bit nauseous.

There are many more, many more, steps to be taken and decisions to be made. I’m ready for all of them and plan to take them one (or two) steps and decisions at a time.

I’d be lying if I said this didn’t kick up a bunch of old (and new) fears. “False Evidence Becoming Real,” I keep telling myself. “Just breathe through it,” I keep reminding myself. “This too will pass,” I repeat internally as I wait for the physical tension to release and the joy and ease to seep back in.

I’m remembering to have fun with this. I’m intending to enjoy it. I’m knowing that I’ll figure it all out as I go along, and I’ll find people to help me when I can’t. I’m mindful of […]

There’s no time like the present to be present

Have you ever promised yourself you’ll be more present? And then gone on to be pulled away from the moment you’re in?

It happens to me all the time.

My childhood was pretty much an exercise in learning not to be present. I was taught to “pay indemnity” (to suffer for God) in order to absolve my ancestors of their many failings and sins and to protect my descendants from having to suffer to atone for my failings and sins. That certainly trains one to focus on the past and future, and to see the present only as an opportunity to endure anything and everything for God.

My childhood experiences also taught me to over-everything. My overachieving, over-sweetness, over-tolerance, and over-responsibility probably helped save my life and psyche. But all those overs are certainly one more way to pull me away from what is here and now.

My childhood in a cult with my mom, the instability of the “sex, drugs, and rock and roll” lifestyle of my dad, and the clash of cultures from being stuck between them certainly molded me into my hyper-vigilant and hyper-reactive self. All of this, perhaps needless to say, pulls one away from the […]