I hate asking for help

help 2Many of you know that I’m asking for help. I’m emailing each and every friend I have (at least nearly). I’m working my way through family emails, reaching out one-by-one. I’m thumbing through neighborhood directories figuring out who I know well enough to ask.

And I hate to ask. I hate to ask for help. There’s part of me, my husband would share, that totally wants to be taken care of. That’s operates like a huge black hole, sucking in care and attention, to make up for all that was missing (or at least all I thought was missing).

But I hate to ask for help. There’s also a part of me that learned to be completely self-sufficient. To read the room, assess the situation, and carry on and make things okay. For myself and for everyone else. Actually, probably for everyone else first.

I don’t want to seem weak. “Only wimps eat creamy peanut butter” Danny told me when I was little. I eat chunky to this day. I like chunky – but who knows, would I still like creamy if he hadn’t inadvertently called me a wimp? I certainly don’t want to be a wimp. Never did. Never do. I certainly don’t want to seem needy. My mother never cried when she left us. She didn’t cry each time we said goodbye. I cried, but I tried to hide it. I knew I was wrong to cry. I was wrong not to be strong.

I cared for my brother and grandfather when my mother left. Eleven years old and handling the shopping and cooking and cleaning. I knew not to ask for help. I knew not to tell anyone she was gone. She was gone for God. That was good.

So, it’s hard to ask for help. I worry that people will think I’m too self-focused. Or self-centered. Or bragging about my book. Or something. But I’m asking for help anyway. I’m asking for help because I need help (as much as I hate to admit it) in getting this book birthed. And I’m asking for help because it’s (probably) okay to do so. I teach that it’s okay to do so. I know it’s okay to do so. But the voices scream loud in my head when I do so. They question me. They challenge me. The call to mind all the lessons I learned about not asking for help

But I’m asking for help. And thanking you for it. Thanks for reading my blog, signing up for my blog, and commenting on my blog. Thanks for liking my Facebook page. Thanks for thinking I have a story to tell. What gets me past not liking asking for help? Thinking I have a story to tell. I am excited to tell my story. I hope it can bring some good and joy to others. I hope it can bring a smile to someone’s face, and ease to someone’s heart. I hope it can remind us all that it’s okay, it’s fine, it’s good to ask for help.

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9 thoughts on “I hate asking for help

  1. OK – so although I said I wouldn’t comment unless you Specifically Asked Me too – Here I go!

    Your mother DID CRY – she was just told not to show you all – and so (obediently) she didn’t… But she did CRY.

    And asking for help…. I’m assuming the Help you’re not Quite Asking For is for people to mention your blog, book, FB page to THEIR FRIENDS…..? Right? I didn’t quite see you actually ask for that!

    SO: from Lisa’s mother who probably IS her #1 Fan – if you Like/Enjoy/Appreciate/Love what she’s saying and doing –
    PASS THE WORD ON! Tell your friends and associates….

    (And I’m only writing this because I know she sees it before it gets posted in Comments… and she can nix it!

    Whew! Done! That took my own courage to do!

    1. Thanks for sharing that you did cry, Ma. I never knew you cried, that the situation hurt you as much as it hurt Lisa and I.

      Lisa, thank you for your blog. Without it we/I/you would never have known…

      And thank you both for being you.

  2. I applaud your courage and strength. Your story can and will help others. I will be first in line to purchase it and hope you will autograph it for me!

  3. I read the latest couple posts and cannot wait to get my eyeballs on the rest. It’s already interesting because I know you and would always love getting to know my fam as much as possible, but your writing alone would interest me if I didn’t know you! So it’s a two for one deal I’m gettin’ psyched about. This article specifically spoke to me. Even though it’s something you felt you needed to clarify, I 100% connect with that feeling of asking for help, with all the thoughts and worries bubbling up after you ask or keeping you from asking. You’re very brave to be so translucent with everyone. jumping off this cliff to get something real out there, and I thank you for it!

    1. Thanks! It’s a weird feeling to know you want to ask for help and to hear the “voices” suggesting you don’t. Thanks for the thoughts and the comments and the support.

  4. Asking for help gives other people the opportunity to lend a hand. Get a couple of hands and soon you have applause! Can’t wait for the book.

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