I’ve had the pleasure recently of looking at my fears. My irrational fears. I’ve known I’ve had them for awhile. They rear up every now and then. But recently, they’ve been rampant…so I’m on a rampage to look them in the face. To contradict them. To remind myself that the world is safe.
Part of me knows that. Actually I think all of me knows it rationally. When my daughter had a tough bout of anxiety when she was younger, and she was terrified if I had to fly somewhere, I told her that the world was safe. That planes nearly always landed safely. That you heard about the ones that didn’t, because that was the anomaly. If they announced every plane that landed it would be unending and boring. I told her that the world was safe. And now I need to tell myself.
I was with my family, on our vacation in Spain, at an indoor food market. I sent my kids off to pick our dinner. They were together. We were in an enclosed area. My daughter is seventeen and my son is eleven. They were absolutely, rationally fine and safe. And after a few minutes of waiting for them, I was terrified. I’m often terrified when people I love are late, even a few minutes late. I know it’s not rational. I know it doesn’t make sense. And I know I couldn’t fully breathe until I saw them round the corner.
I get where my fears come from. I guess. I was in situations when I was young that weren’t safe. Things happened to and around me that I wouldn’t have chosen, given the choice. But I’m also proof that the world is safe because I’m here, and I wasn’t really harmed. Even if I may have felt harmed at the time.
The world may be irrational. Unexpected things may happen. Things we don’t like or don’t want may occur. That is all true. I’ve had friends who were sick, and friends who’ve died. I’ve seen suffering. Bad things do happen to good people. To people I love. But the overall truth. The world is safe. Mostly good things happen. There are moments, there can be moments, in every day that are delicious and delightful. And at most times, we are, I am, safe. I am actively remembering that every day now – until I know it so strongly I don’t forget it.
Until I do again. But that’s okay. Because I can read this blog I posted and remember that the world is safe.