Monthly Archives: October 2014

Just surrender

That’s what she said. She being my yoga teacher. “Just surrender.”

It’s funny how I focus on surrendering and focus on surrendering, and then I get caught up in something else and I forget. I guess it’s easy to forget.

I’ve surrendered some things and surprise of surprises, they’ve gotten better. They’ve had movement forward. Or maybe just I’ve gotten better with them. My business (my day job) was slow for a bit and I let that be okay. Now it’s picking up, and with some pretty ideal clients even. I’ve surrendered Way Out over and over again, and now my editor sees the current draft as superb and she’s excited for my next steps. And I have a few agents who are waiting to see the manuscript and are also excited.

But I want to remember that I’m not surrendering to make things happen…because then it’s not really surrendering, is it? I want to remember that I’m surrendering because I’m not in charge, there’s only so much I can control (and it’s still usually less than I think I can control), and life is more fun when I stop trying so hard anyway.

Years ago when I stumbled into Al-Anon I learned the serenity prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” It saved my life back then, and it can continuously save my life, or at least free my soul to enjoy my day, right now.

I choose to remember serenity. I choose to remember courage. I choose to remember wisdom. Sometimes, especially wisdom.

I choose to surrender. Just surrender.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

Categories: Recovery, , , , Tags:

The universe works in mysterious ways

Okay, I’ll admit it. I was questioning again. I was at the gym, on the elliptical machine, wondering why I blogged.

I get comments. Of course I’d like more. I love to share my thoughts, to offer the concepts and realizations that move me and astound me. I love to imagine all the reflecting I’m igniting in others. But that morning I couldn’t seem to get out of the endless loop of, “Why do I do this? Does anyone care?”

I write because I love to write. It’s fun. I write because I like the idea that I can make a difference. That the things that inspire me and help me get out of my stinking thinking, or even just a bad mood, might also inspire someone who reads my blog. I write because I think I have something to say.

The problem is, in my doubting moments I question if anyone wants to hear what I have to say.

So I spent my allotted thirty minutes on the elliptical wondering if I should keep blogging. If I should change what I blogged about. If it mattered. I like what I’m sharing, but is that enough?

Then I stepped to the back of the room to grab a cloth to wipe down the machine, and I ran into a friend. “I really love to read your blog,” she said. I smiled. “I don’t usually comment, but I love to read it.”

Now, I know she is a friend, so she may care more about what I write. And I know she’s just one person. I know I still, perhaps, should think about what I’m blogging and what’s best to blog. But I had to smile, and smile big.

Because I felt, once again, answered by the universe. I had asked and I had received. I had questioned and been given an answer. I had wondered and doubted and worried, and I had been reassured.

That’s my inspiration to share today. ☺ If we need a response we can sometimes get one. If we crave encouragement, it might just be there for us to stumble upon, as close as the next exercise machine.

So I will keep blogging, at least for now. I will keep sharing what I’m learning and seeing. I will also keep looking for new and hopefully interesting ideas to offer, questions to pose, and discussions to ignite.

And I’ll keep smiling when my doubts are reassured.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

Categories: Writing, , , Tags:

Find every little delicious moment

I’m really, really, really trying to be more mindful. I’m really, really, really trying to direct my thoughts towards love when I’m afraid (or angry). I’m really, really, really trying to use my brain to let myself enjoy more, delight in more more, and play more.

It’s funny that it’s so easy to forget to do these things. Six o’clock will roll around and I’ll suddenly realize that I haven’t practiced any of my mental exercises. I haven’t stretched myself to notice and appreciate the sunshine or warm breeze. I’ve mindlessly gone through too many interactions and too many moments. I’ve been unconscious on some level.

But even just remembering that I haven’t been doing these things is an opportunity to about face and start doing them. Or at least to start doing one of them.

How delightful my day might be if I went out of my way to find every little delicious moment and relished it. Each instant is precious and fleeting, and it’s not like I can hold onto anything forever, but I certainly can be more present when I’m present and I can revel in what’s around me and within me…if I choose to and remember to.

I was taking my son to the doctor the other day. He had a rash that wouldn’t go away and we needed help. As we drove down the street on the way to the doctor we joked and played, and I made myself appreciate how lucky I am. How lucky I am that he still enjoys being with me and I enjoy being with him. How lucky I am to laugh and play. How lucky I am that the sun is shining and it’s the middle of the day and I’m taking a break from work and he’s taking a break from school and we’re together and we adore each other’s company. At least usually.

Each day offers me countless moments and opportunities – a walk this morning with a friend, a great call with a potential client that may yield me business, a strong response from a potential agent, curled up on the couch with my son watching Dr. Who, a yummy dinner – countless chances to see what’s working and delight in it. Or to see what’s wrong.

There’s a time to see what’s wrong…so we can fix it. But today I want to find, and savor, every delicious moment.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

Categories: Hope and Amazement, , , , Tags: