I heard it in yoga. I think maybe it will be my mantra. Fearless in the New Year.
What does it mean, to be fearless? How would that change things? Would that change things? I’m not sure.
I know that fear has ruled me. I’m pretty sure it’s less now. I know that fear can still envelop me, but I know how to breathe through it and talk myself off a ledge. I know – as I shared with someone I love this morning – how to thank my fears for sharing and remember I don’t have to listen to them, how to show myself compassion and to say (or think) “oops, here I go again,” rather than “what’s wrong with me that I’m feeling fearful? I’m so messed up!” I know that my fears are generally False Evidence Appearing Real, and that they often have my best interests in mind, even as they sometimes knock me to the ground.
I know all this.
I know to look for the truth in my fears. Although there often isn’t much truth, at times there may be some truth there, or something I can learn. I know to look for the truth in the opposite of my fears – to see love when I have doubt, safety when I feel unsure, joy when things feel hopeless. I know to notice all that is right and beautiful.
But I think maybe my yoga teacher meant something else. She was encouraging us to push past our boundaries, our supposed limitations. She was reminding us that nearly all of our limitations are self-imposed. She was offering us the thought, the approach, that I offer to many of my clients – “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”
I honestly think I’m attempting to do the things I would do if I knew I couldn’t fail. I honestly think I don’t hold back, at least not too much. I’ve written my memoir. I’m looking for my agent. I’m writing here every week. I’m asking for connections and help and referrals.
I skied black diamonds – on a big mountain – last week. I’m telling the people I love that I love them. I’m building my business and working out (a killer, athlete-focused workout) with my daughter. I’m running and practicing yoga and putting myself out there in every way I can.
I’m being pretty fearless, I think. And I’m determined to be even more fearless in the new year.
Happy New Year!
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