Years ago, in Al-Anon, I learned that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. This took the pressure off. If I kept thinking I should somehow be doing something different or better, that I should somehow be someone different or better, then I found reasons to judge and criticize myself. If I could instead allow that wherever I was was just fine, then I could feel fine. Maybe even good.
I also, as I’ve shared, struggled with the concept of perfection. I’ve described myself as a recovering perfectionist. I’ve come to admit that aiming for perfection sets me up to, again, judge and criticize myself. It sets me up to fail, even when I haven’t actually failed. When there’s honestly nothing to fail at.
I’ve thought and felt and prayed this through, and come to realize that perfection is unattainable.
Or is it?
Because the opposite way to look at perfection is to realize that perfection just is. While I can’t – or shouldn’t – strive for perfection, I can, in this moment, admit the perfection of this moment. If I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, then this moment is exactly as it’s supposed to be. It’s perfect. And I’m perfect in it.
Again, the sigh of relief. Even if this moment is me standing at the kitchen counter writing my blog post – with the reverberating sound of six thirteen-year-old boys one room away (loudly) debating what they should do next.
But back to the sigh of relief. The release of exertion. The freedom from (self-imposed) pressure to do more, do better, do different, do perfect.
Because now is perfect, just as it is. Today is perfect, just as it is. Granted, yesterday seemed more perfect because today is gray and cool and cloudy, and yesterday was an ideal spring day. But just now – boys shouting in the background, work still left to do, cozy slippers on my feet, gerbera daisies smiling up at me from the counter, me getting done whatever it is that I actually get done – is perfect.
The perfection of today.
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