I was sitting in a guided meditation earlier today, and Tara Brach reminded me to “allow now.” It’s a good reminder. It still can be such a challenge. I simply don’t pay attention – don’t notice – so many of my nows. And I fight against so many others.
Like now. Now I’m sitting at my desk, as I write this post, on hold with a doctor’s office, trying to resolve billing issues. Billing issues worth a lot of money. That I’ve been trying to resolve for months. My now right now is tension and frustration. I can feel my heart pounding and my anger rising. I want to yell at the less-than-helpful person I’ve been speaking with. I don’t feel like the evolved being I strive to be, and I certainly don’t want to allow this now.
But I breathe through it, and miraculously the woman on the phone believes she can help me and offers to hound the billing department until my situation is handled correctly. I feel my anger fall and hope rise. Is this a better now to allow?
Do I get to choose which nows to accept and which to deny? I don’t think I do. I think the idea is to allow – to accept – all of them.
Since I heard Tara offer “allow now” this afternoon, I’ve been working to allow my nows. To be even more mindful. Even more focused. Even more present. I’m actively feeling the Ugg slippers on my feet. Feeling and acknowledging the caress. I’m noticing the sounds around me – my son playing in the other room, birds singing outside the house, even the noise of the keyboard as I type. I’m becoming more aware of my emotions and doing my best to step back and watch them with a bit of detachment. And then doing my best to not let them overrun me too much if I am hijacked by what’s right in my face.
I’m working to observe the tougher moments and situations, and not let them engulf me. To let them pass through me. I’m striving to embrace the beauty of the beautiful moments, yet not grasp them too tightly. To let them pass through me as well.
I’m aiming to appreciate now – in any way I can. And to allow now.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!