Monthly Archives: May 2015

Can I trust you?

Years ago someone I trusted suggested that I learn to trust myself. I don’t know about you, but I had learned to look outside for answers. And guidance. And validation. I had somehow decided that everyone knew better than I did. About everything. Even everything that had to do with me.

“You have to trust yourself,” she said. “You have to try it. It’s the only way you’ll learn if, and when, you can trust yourself.”

What? She wanted me to take a chance at being wrong, just so that I could learn that sometimes I knew what was right? My fear of screwing up did not like that option. My fear of dropping a ball, choosing a wrong path, or letting other people down – especially letting other people down – reared it’s ugly head and screamed NO!

But her words stuck with me. They’ve stuck with me for nearly thirty years. She was someone I admired and trusted. Someone I looked to for answers and guidance and even validation. And she was turning me back towards me.

So I tried it. Probably on a few small things at first. I didn’t want to go someplace that I was “supposed” to go? I didn’t go. I didn’t want to do something that I had promised to do? I didn’t do it. I wanted to try something new? I tried it. I had an idea – for work, for life, for my family? I offered it up.

My trust experiments grew. I found myself more willing to color outside the lines and follow my own guidance. To know that even when other people thought I was wrong, or crazy, I often knew what I wanted or needed. Or what was best for me. I even learned that when I didn’t know, it was okay to admit it.

I found myself willing to make my own rules, and to break my own rules. To trust when I knew I was right (at least right for me) and to admit when I was wrong. Even wrong about having been right. I learned that, as always, there isn’t generally a right and a wrong – there just is. I also learned, most often, to pick and trust the easy, fun, challenging, exciting, fascinating, passion and enthusiasm inducing choice – even when it might take more effort or courage.

I learned to trust that I had it in me to get there. I learned to trust myself.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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Is your sprinkler system on?

I need to be heard.

I didn’t know this until I sat down one day to figure out my needs.

In coaching there is a concept of an “automatic sprinkler system” for one’s needs. I share this idea often with clients. I think I shared it today. It is, essentially, just like an automatic sprinkler system for our lawns. ☺ Only it waters our souls, instead of our grass.

We can be driven by unfulfilled needs and desires. If a need isn’t met, it’s generally all we can focus on, even if we don’t realize we’re focusing on it. Our unconscious and subconscious minds work to meet our needs, and our needs can dictate what we do (and don’t do) and how we show up, without our even knowing it.

By setting up an “automatic sprinkler system” – by finding ways to get our needs taken care of without our having to think about them – we stop this cycle. We’re then left with time, energy, and focus to live and enjoy more fully.

The concept can seem a bit “whooey,” but each time I identify a need, and then figure out a way to get it automatically filled on a regular basis, or even a semi-regular basis, life gets better. I feel lighter and freer. For that matter, every time I identify a need and simply acknowledge it – and accept and allow that I have it – I feel lighter and freer. I remind myself that it’s okay to have the need. I remind myself, once again, that it’s okay to be human. And I relax.

I need to be heard. Maybe that’s why I’m a coach and a speaker. Maybe that’s why I’ve written a book. Maybe that’s why I write this blog. That’s all okay.

I’ve found people and situations that let me feel heard. I’ve turned my sprinkler system on again.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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Bow your head to your heart

Again it was yoga. Again it stuck with me.

As we settled into a pose, and into our practice, our instructor reminded us to “bow our heads to our hearts.”

I can often be ruled by my head. My head is not always a pretty place to be. I can be ruled by my fears and worries, and my insecurities and (imagined) frailties. I can be ruled by the stories I make up about other people – what they think, what they want, what they mean, what they think about me. I can be ruled by my to-do list and my need to accomplish and prove.

My heart is a much calmer place.

My heart loves first and asks later. My heart sees goodness in all. My heart laughs and plays and sings. My heart delights. My heart remembers to breathe. And appreciate.

My heart leans towards the sun (even when the sun isn’t out). My heart cares for and comforts others who are in pain. And cares for and comforts me when I’m in pain.

My heart is a beautiful place to be.

I bow my head to my heart.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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