I write about mindfulness – both here and on my work blog (www.thoughtfulleaders.com). I write about it. I talk about it. I think about it. But do I do it?
Well, I try. And then the weirdest, coolest thing happened recently. I was in yoga class, towards the end of class, and all of a sudden I realized I wasn’t thinking. Anything. I was actually in the moment and focusing only on my breath.
Well, I was actually in the moment and focusing only on my breath until I realized I was actually in the moment and focusing only on my breath. Then I started focusing on the fact that I was actually in the moment and focusing only on my breath. Or that I had been. Because by noticing it I kinda lost it. But for the space of time when I was only focused on my breath, it was really, really cool.
Then it happened again, in my next practice. I noticed myself only breathing. Not thinking. Not planning. Not judging my practice. Not remembering something the instructor had said so that I could blog about it. Just breathing. And holding a pose, and moving through the next pose. And this time it lasted longer.
It took my breath away, just focusing on my breath. Well, not really. But it was that astounding. It felt whole and simple. I felt whole and simple. And complete.
I write about mindfulness and I practice mindfulness. Over and over. Again and again. But the moments when I find that I’m mindful, especially without thinking about it or trying to be, still take me by surprise. They overwhelm me. In a good way.
It was – and is – such a sense of peace. A sense of fullness. A sense of how things are supposed to be. How I’m supposed to be.
A sense that it’s okay that I don’t have focused mindfulness in every moment, but that I could have it in more moments. I could feel my fingers on the keyboard as I type this. I could feel my butt in the seat of the Amtrak train. I could breathe in and feel it and smile. And lose track of my outbreath and start again.
I could look out the window and notice the clouds. I could be present with myself in this exact moment.
And I could – I can – focus on only my breathing during my yoga practice. At least every now and then. At least for a little while.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!