The other day it dawned on me. I am often on constant alert.
It’s like my baseline is set for a red alert, and I don’t even notice it.
I don’t notice it until I calm down, or something special happens that catches my attention and soothes me. And then I realize that I’m being soothed, because I realize that I was on guard, without even knowing it.
I get why. I get where it comes from. But mostly I get that I want to be more and more aware of it, so that I can let it go more and more as well.
So I’m breathing – more consciously, more intentionally. And I’m focusing – more deliberately, even more looking for what brings a smile to my face. I’m relaxing; I’m playing; I’m laughing; I’m noticing.
I’m allowing – allowing it to be okay that I’m on constant alert more than I want to be, and allowing myself to drop my defenses and trust.
I’m trusting that “everything is okay today, and everything is alright tonight,” as I used to chant to myself when I was little. I’m choosing to “Let go and let god,” as I learned years ago. I’m “letting the sunshine in,” as the Beatles sang.
I’m remembering and realizing that right here, right now, I’ve got nothing to fear.
I’ve got nothing to be on alert about.
I can pick up my defenses, in time, if I ever really need them. but for now, I don’t have to be on constant alert.
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