Again a yoga class. Again an intention to be radically me. And again I had to come to terms with what being radically me really takes, and if I can actually do it.
Because we moved into poses, and they were poses I couldn’t do. Poses that were challenging. That hurt. That after “all these years” were still beyond my body.
As I sat with my intention to allow myself to be radically me, I heard that little voice in my head, “But what if I don’t like me?”
Now, I like me. I like me fine. I even like me a lot. But I didn’t like my inability to “achieve” the pose. I didn’t like what my body was and wasn’t doing. So I was left with the quandary – what if I don’t like the me that I’m radically being?
To me, allowing myself to be radically me means showing up with my intensity, and loving and making room for my intensity. It means acknowledging what I think and want and believe – to myself and to others. It means not holding back for fear of upsetting someone. It means letting it all hang out.
Which, I guess, also means doing all those things even if I’m not loving, or even liking, the me I’m seeing and showing to others. Being radically me means radical acceptance, of my good and my not so good. And even of my bad.
In yoga it means allowing and accepting the tightness of my muscles and small stance-ness of my pose. In life it means that while I’m trying to be my best self – however I define that – letting it be okay when I’m not. And I’m not again. And I’m not again.
I guess “radically me” is my intention over and over because first, I believe in it, and second, it’s still at least somewhat of a challenge for me.
But it’s a challenge I’m willing, and excited, to take.
Radically me – even if I don’t like me. From now on when that not liking me emerges, I’m going to find the way to like myself instead.
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