Monthly Archives: May 2016

The universe shows up in funny ways

The universe shows up in funny ways.

The other morning, as I was working out, I was thinking about Raising Myself and how much I’m looking forward to finding a publisher and having it “out there.” I also began to think about why. Why? Why does it matter so much to me to see this through? Why am I on this journey?

Of course, a main reason is because it will be fun. It will be fun to go through the publishing process, and to see my book as a real book. It will be fun to choose a cover, and write my acknowledgements. It will be fun to see it in a bookstore, and on Amazon. It will be tons of fun. Also, I love to write. I love to connect with people. And I love the idea that my story can help – and heal – others.

I really love that idea. In fact, as I was working the elliptical in the fitness center of the hotel I was staying at for the coaching program, I re-remembered, and re-admitted, that one of the most important reasons, if not the most important reason, I want Raising Myself “out there” is because I want to have impact. Big impact.

I want to share whatever I’ve learned (and made up) along my journey with others, so that their journey can perhaps be easier. As my brother says, it will make it all worth it. So while my legs moved on the machine (and my body stayed in one place), I felt the strength of my desire to somehow add a significant influence of joy in the world. To be “one of those people” who touch others’ lives and affect them for good.

I recommitted myself to my desire to impact for good, finished my workout, went back to my room, got ready for the day, and dove back into the program I was attending. And at the end of the day, Rachel, a woman with whom I had shared the overview of my journey and childhood, came up to me.

“You will have impact,” she told me. (I kid you not, that’s what she said.)

“What?” I answered.

“What you said to me – that you actively choose joy in your life. It will affect so many people. It will reverberate. Like ripples in the water. Victor Frankl said, ‘The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitudes.’ You said that we always have a choice, and that you choose joy. With all you went through, you choose joy. I will remember that. I will tell others. I will use it in my coaching. It will reach so many people and have such impact.”

The universe shows up in funny ways.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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Wearing my anxiety easily

A few years ago I went through a tough time. It either kicked in, or kicked up, my anxiety. I don’t know if it matters which. I do know that by the time I ended up in a professional’s office asking for help, she asked me about my anxiety and when I questioned that label, she looked at me and said, “really? Can’t you see that you’re anxious?”

“I’m not anxious,” I answered. “Not usually. It’s just what’s going on now…”

Again, it doesn’t matter if I was before my tough time, or if I just was then. If what I was going through kicked in, or kicked up, my anxiety. Either way, at that moment I was a bundle of nerves.

I’m thrilled to say I’ve moved through that tough time. Maybe even truly all the way through. But, you know what, I’m stuck with some remnants of anxiety.

And fear. I know that one of the manifestations of my childhood can be a fair amount of fear. Often irrational fear. My husband, daughter, loved one of any sort is thirty minutes late, and I’m sure they’re dead. Even as I’m certain they’re not and know I’m being irrational, I’m certain they are. There are times and situations that can kick up old feelings of abandonment and loss, whether or not it’s actual and true.

What am I learning to do about this anxiety? I’m learning to wear it lightly. To breathe through it, and call it out for what it is. To acknowledge its presence, even thank it for coming, and then lovingly smile and let it leave.

Even if it doesn’t leave. Not all at once or all the way.

I then breathe again. I allow that I’m anxious, even irrationally so. I allow myself to be anxious. I offer a “thank you” in advance for the moment when this anxiety and fear are gone. I recognize that my anxiety and fear make sense. The tough time I went through was scary – the “don’t even want to look back at it and remember it” kind of scary. And then I recognize that that scary isn’t true for me any more. As I said, I’ve moved through at least the worst of it, if not all of it.

I offer myself compassion and comfort. I look around me for things to bring a smile to my face and ease to my heart. I accept my anxiety and let it flow through me.

I wear it lightly, with as much joy and ease and peace in my heart as I can find.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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Create your own yellow

Last week, when I blogged about my dad and how much his situation sucks, I got a lot of responses with a lot of love. A ton of support. Compassion, understanding, and, mostly, love.

Boy did it feel good!

One of the emails I received from a dear, dear friend reminded me to keep an eye out for my yellow birds. And, perhaps needless to say, I saw my first just the other day. Pretty much just after my friend suggested I keep an eye out for them.

I love my yellow birds! As I’ve written before, they fill me with delight and remind me that, no matter how it may seem at the time, all is truly well with the world. With my world. That there is beauty and love and joy that’s mine for the taking, if I’m only open to it and looking for it.

If I had my way, I’d see yellow birds every day. More than once a day. And maybe that’s possible, but it hasn’t happened yet.

So I’ve also learned (or decided) to create my own yellow (birds). Hence my yellow rain boots.

I had yellow rain boots maybe a gazillion years ago. A gazillion, but still in my (young) adult years. I loved them. They brightened rainy days and my mood. But somewhere along the way, I must have gotten rid of them.

And then I saw these in a magazine, and I ordered them, as a gift for myself. I think they’re even yellower. They seem brighter. They’re definitely funkier as my first ones didn’t have big bows. And maybe because I’m older (a gazillion years older), they seem more obnoxious.

And I think I love them even more. I wore them yesterday, and even though there were no yellow birds in my path, every time I looked down at my feet I was filled delight. People stop me in the street to comment on them – I guess they delight other people too. They definitely give me a chance to exchange a smile or two with strangers, which also fills me with delight.

I’ve created my own yellow. I’ll continue to keep my eyes out for my yellow birds. I know I’ll see more and more, and look for more and more and more. But for now, I’ve also created my own yellow. And my own delight.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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