I was (at least for me) deep in meditation the other day. Now, I don’t often get messages during my meditation. In fact I never do. I know that others hear what they need to hear, but just as when I was a child and I’d complete my 21-minute prayer – on my knees, sobbing to God, repenting for my sins and begging forgiveness…and waiting for His response and hearing nothing – I hear nothing. I meditate to quiet my mind and soothe my soul, but I hear nothing.
The other day I did. Clear as day. “Stop trying so hard,” I heard.
I didn’t (again) know that I still was. Maybe I always am. Maybe I so always am that I never know I am. My brother likes to tell me that I try so hard to not be a perfectionist anymore. In fact, he says, I try to not be a perfectionist perfectly.
So I’m trying again. Trying to heal. Trying to find joy. Trying to get it right. Trying to be nice. Trying to be nicer. Trying to be a good mom and wife and sister and daughter and coach and friend and neighbor…
Now, don’t get me wrong. I like being a good all of those things. I just think it’s, once again, time to relax and lessen the pressure. That I put on myself. To loosen the push and drive and let enough be enough. And me be enough. To smile. To rest. To play. To laugh. To love.
To stop trying so hard. If the universe is finally blatantly sending me a personal message, I might want to listen and take it to heart.
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