I talk about the voices I hear in my head, and by that I’ve always meant my hero (who I used to refer to as my editor, but in the recent past I’ve realized how much she has saved my life and soul over the years and I’ve renamed her my hero). I would “hear” her voice warning me, chastising me, reprimanding me and keeping me in line.
The other day, for the first time, I heard something else.
“You are safe,” the voice said, loudly, clearly. It cut through everything else in my mind and my surroundings.
I’ve owned up to my irrational fears. My terror that something has happened to someone I love, when they’re not home the minute they’ve said they will be. My unease in emotional situations, filled with concern that I’ve messed up (or will mess up). That I’ve offended you, or others. That I’ve not been “right.” My anxiety, and worry, at things that one really needn’t be anxious or worried about.
Basically, I’ve not felt safe, or secure, no matter how safe or secure I’ve been.
“You are safe,” the voice said.
I know the world is safe – basically safe. When my daughter was little and filled with fear each time my husband or I had to fly somewhere, I explained to her how many airplanes flew safely and how few actually crashed. “The world is safe,” I explained to her. I know this.
But I still have irrational fears. And the voice reassured me.
I remember how it sounded, when I feel fears start to rise. I remind myself that I am, basically, safe. That all is well. I distract myself, once again, by the beauty around me, the love in my heart, the laughter with my family and friends. I hear the voice.
I am safe. You are safe.
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