As many of you know, I recently went through a 360-feedback assessment that blew me away. I read the report and could only think āouchā ā focusing (as I instruct my clients not to) on the negative. On what is āwrongā with me.
My least favorite learning? The assessment highlighted my critical tendencies. I think I have, for years, convinced myself that Iām not critical. (Those of you who know me well, donāt laugh.) At least not critical in that way.
Others helped me as I struggled to accept and integrate the feedback results. āWe think your critical nature saved your life,ā they told me. That made sense. I held on to that thought, letting myself allow my critical side.
But I kept watch anyway. āAm I really critical?ā I asked myself. āAnd if so, is it really okay?ā
Flash forward ā Iām driving down the road and the driver in front of me does something I donāt likeā¦and I hear the criticism flooding my mind. āThatās dumb.ā āThey shouldnāt do that.ā āWhat an idiot.ā Cleary I know that I would never do whatever the rude or stupid thing is that theyāve done.
Critical huh?
Do I really think I know better? Do I really think everyone should do things the way I do? Maybe deep down I do, but I certainly donāt want to admit it. And I certainly don’t want to think that anymore.
When I feel the criticism flooding me ā when Iām judging others and deeming them unacceptable ā Iāve taken to reminding myself that I donāt always know better and that Iām not always right. I know that I donāt know all the reasons behind the other driversā behavior, and that I may not even be seeing and understanding what their behavior actually is. Itās so easy to make up stories that reinforce my worldview. (āIām good.ā āIām not critical.ā) I remind myself of that. I remember to give them the benefit of the doubt. And I lovingly instruct myself to appreciate my critical nature when itās necessary, and to let it go (and let it go again) when itās making me self-righteous.
Because Iām not always right.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
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I’ve been thinking about you and your words of advice all month and hoping you’re enjoying this time off. I have struggled with a few things and when I read this blog this morning it put it all into perspective like someone hit me over the head. Sometimes I think we look to hard for the answers and they are right in front of us.
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Thank you Kelly. Sometimes the answers are right in front of us, and all we have to do is be willing and able to see them!
I definitely can relate … They say scorpios might reinforce this tendency. I am very critical with myself and that ‘s why I am the same way with others. I often avoid being too sharp though, but not everyone gets my ironies. I sometimes have to acknowledge that I really don’t know too much about people and their circumstances.
Thank you, and yes, I get it. Even though I’m not a Scorpio. š