I think people sometimes think I’m really Zen-like. That I’m evolved and calm and almost always coming from a high-energy place. I wish that were true. Especially when I watch – and hear – myself being hypercritical during a yoga practice.
I criticize myself, my pose, my breathing, my focus and concentration. Even worse, I criticize others. I don’t even want to admit that. But I do.
I watch myself watching what everyone else is doing on their mat. I hear myself commenting, assessing, critiquing in my mind. Then I tell myself to shut up, and I turn my eyes back to my own mat, or to my drishti (a focal point to gaze at, to steady the body and mind).
I wish I weren’t hypercritical, but sometimes I am. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m more fault-finding than I pretend to be, or than I’d like to be. I know I’m recovering from hyper-judging myself. I’m learning (or at least trying) to let go of hyper-judging others.
I’m remembering (again) that good enough is good enough, and that there is no perfect. I’m thanking my judge-full mind (and inner voice) for their contributions, and choosing to go somewhere else with my thoughts. I’m accepting a part of me I don’t want to accept, and letting it be. And letting it be okay.
Yeah, I’m not always as Zen-like as I’d like to be, and I analyze – and maybe criticize – myself and others more than I’m comfortable with. It’s just one more thing to not be critical about, one more thing to take responsibility for, and one more thing to embrace.
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