I think people sometimes think I’m really Zen-like. That I’m evolved and calm and almost always coming from a high-energy place. I wish that were true. Especially when I watch – and hear – myself being hypercritical during a yoga practice.
I criticize myself, my pose, my breathing, my focus and concentration. Even worse, I criticize others. I don’t even want to admit that. But I do.
I watch myself watching what everyone else is doing on their mat. I hear myself commenting, assessing, critiquing in my mind. Then I tell myself to shut up, and I turn my eyes back to my own mat, or to my drishti (a focal point to gaze at, to steady the body and mind).
I wish I weren’t hypercritical, but sometimes I am. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m more fault-finding than I pretend to be, or than I’d like to be. I know I’m recovering from hyper-judging myself. I’m learning (or at least trying) to let go of hyper-judging others.
I’m remembering (again) that good enough is good enough, and that there is no perfect. I’m thanking my judge-full mind (and inner voice) for their contributions, and choosing to go somewhere else with my thoughts. I’m accepting a part of me I don’t want to accept, and letting it be. And letting it be okay.
Yeah, I’m not always as Zen-like as I’d like to be, and I analyze – and maybe criticize – myself and others more than I’m comfortable with. It’s just one more thing to not be critical about, one more thing to take responsibility for, and one more thing to embrace.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
Oh yeah! I know that one. That’s why my favorite place in my yoga class is in the upper right corner where I can’t watch anyone else. Of course my permanent claiming this prized corner (with two windows) is probably also antithetical to the principles of yoga, but at least it keeps me from being so judgmental about the other people in class.
And yes, I have made people move out of my corner on the rare occasion I am not the first person there.
Thank you Anne for getting it and for your honesty! I too have a favorite spot in my yoga class, and it too is near the front (only there are mirrors, so I can watch others if I’m not staying on my own mat) 🙂
I’m not zen-like either but I’m a zen-want-to-be! I find myself looking at others and when I see their pose is flawed I think, “Yay! I’m not the only one!” Thanks for sharing your mindful thoughts, Lisa!
I like that – “Yay! I’m not the only one!” That’s a positive spin!