That was the suggestion from someone recently, someone I adore and respect. She read my manuscript, and that’s what she offered. “Can you title the book Clusterf—k and take it from there?” Something about the fact that so much happened to me and “you made it through the wilderness – through multiple wildernesses. Holy cow woman.”
I’m playing with that title. And liking it.
Her comments make me realize how easy it is for one – for me – to discredit the wildernesses through which they’ve – I’ve – come. How easy it is to fall back on, “it wasn’t so bad,” and “it was just weird.”
I spent years – decades really – in denial of the pain and anguish. And then years – decades again – lamenting the pain and anguish. And now years – decades one more time – rising above the pain and anguish so that it no longer describes or defines me, and it holds me down and back as little as possible. Or at least I don’t help it hold me down and back. I know that wallowing in it and having it be my story, not a chapter in my story, is a sure way to get stuck. And I’ve been stuck.
But now I’m more than my story. More than my past challenges. More than my wildernesses.
But I still think Clusterf—k defines it well. It is, as they say, a swell title.
What do you think?
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