Someone I love dearly and deeply is working through a personal challenge. They’ve recently realized that they very rarely, if ever, ask for what they want. Or maybe they knew that they very rarely, if ever, asked for what they wanted, but they’ve recently realized that they can ask for what they want. That they, in fact, have to.
It doesn’t matter which was their gap and which was their realization. What matters is that they start asking. And asking. And asking.
So we started singing a song, a bunch of us. Quoting The Stones – “You can’t always get what you want” – and adding our own twist – “But you have to articulate it!” – as a reminder.
Because you have to articulate it. They do. I do. We all do. First we have to figure out what we want, and then we have to take the chance and say it out loud.
Years ago one of my spiritual guides told me that I couldn’t expect someone to give me what I wanted or needed if I never told them what I wanted or needed. I too had learned – or taught myself – to keep my needs and wants hidden, sometimes even to myself. I’m sure I still do at times.
It was a revelation that my “guide” gave me. “You mean, I can’t expect him not to say that to me if I don’t ask him not to say that to me?” I remember asking. “Yes,” she answered. “It’s that simple. Tell him what you want and need.” We were talking about my father and his special nickname for me, slut.
I did ask him. He did stop. But that’s another story.
You can’t always get what you want, but you can get it a lot of the times. If you ask. If you articulate it. Even if you’re scared. Or you just don’t realize you can.
You have to articulate it.
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