Something was irking at me, hard and deep. I was hurt and angry, and I couldn’t seem to find my way through or past it, no matter how much I wanted to be through and past it.
I wasn’t sure what I should do, or could do, even though I teach people what to do when they’re stuck. Somehow, all the usual suggestions and guidance I offer fell flat.
I know I process verbally, out loud, talking it through – at times ad nauseam much to the chagrin of my friends and family. I need to process; I need them to listen. And listen some more.
I grabbed a friend and asked her to listen. And listen some more. I poured out my pain, my anger, my confusion. I questioned if I was taking full responsibility for my part or full responsibility for the other person’s part as well. I can often take too much responsibility, as this friend (and others) have reminded me. “Am I trying to be perfect?” I asked. “Am I trying to fix?” “Am I trying too hard?”
I poured. I purged. I promised to do nothing until my surge of pain subsided. I know better than trying to be rational and to come from love when I’m lost in my own perspective and ache.
I remembered that on my way to meet my friend, a yellow bird had flown past me, and on my way home from meeting my friend, a yellow bird flew past me again.
Yellow birds are one of my interpretations of the universe reminding me that I’m loved and cared for, of the universe reminding me that all is, and will be, well. Yellow birds are a hug, an affirmation, a blessing. A reminder that I am blessed and that I always have the ability to rise above anything. Even if it hurts.
Another friend from my Positive Psychology course emailed me pictures of the yellow bird that visited her on her deck. I now have many, many people looking for yellow birds.
My hurt and anger lifted. I don’t know exactly how. I don’t know exactly why. I’m pretty sure it was my steps, and I don’t want to question it.
- Let it out. Get it out. Find a friend or someone with whom you (I) can process and purge.
- Let the universe remind you – however it reminds you – that you are loved and all is well.
- Believe it.
I’m at ease, at least for now. If my hurt or anger come back, I’ll follow my steps again.
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