I can be a human doing, not a human being. I can strive and push and aim for beyond everything. I can try too hard.
And I can not.
I am lowering my bar, dropping my standards, and letting up on my striving. Again. And again and again and again. It’s an ongoing learning process.
I’m sitting – and doing nothing but sitting and enjoying the breeze and the hanging flowers on my side porch – more and more often. And I’m okay with that.
I’m not getting everything done that I’m supposed to get done. I’m making less dinners (just ask my family) and taking more breaks. I’m pausing to stop and smell the roses more and more often. And I’m okay with that.
I don’t know where the overachiever gene came from. I don’t know when I learned that enough was never enough. I don’t know how I got so good at giving everything more than my all, no matter what. I don’t know and I don’t care. It doesn’t really matter.
What I do know is that each day I’m getting better at not always overachieving, letting enough be enough, and giving everything only my all (or maybe even a bit less than that). And I’m okay with that.
I often share with others a life saving thought that someone shared with me decades ago. “If you feel guilty doing something,” they said, “then it’s probably a good thing for you to do.” For those of us with over-responsive responsibility genes, guilt can kick in when we do something for ourselves. “You’re so selfish,” we self-chide. I’ve learned to feel my guilt and let it go, and do that “selfish” thing anyway.
Life is good at a slower, calmer pace. Beauty is all around me, if I take the time to notice it and let it in. I always have the choice to lower my bar – for myself and for others – and let what is be sufficient. What is is what is. And nothing I can do can change what is right now. I’m learning to let that be okay and to stop trying to push things to be as I know they need to be. Or as I think you think I need to make them be.
I’m lowering my bar, dropping my standards, and letting up on my striving. Again and again and again. And that’s okay.
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