Every so often I hear myself question in my mind, “Why do I keep blogging? What do I have to say that’s worthwhile? Should I just quit?” And luckily, soon after my questioning, someone thanks me for what I wrote or my perspective, and I think, “That’s why I keep doing this. That’s what matters.”
That matters. A ton. But there’s something that matters even more.
Last week, I got another one of those really matters emails. An outreach from another former Moonie who is looking for connection, and even more importantly, at least to me, an outreach from someone who was born into the Church and who, specifically, lived at Jacob House as a child.
“What was it like?” she asked me. “What do you know about what my childhood was like?”
I gave her all the information I had. I told her what I remembered and about my experiences. I introduced her to others who would most likely remember more, and more things that mattered to her. And then we talked about growing up in the Church and leaving the Church. About how hard both of those were. About how they still could torment us at times.
I’m older than this person and therefore perhaps further along in integrating. Or not. We all have our own journey. But as we gasped at what we had in common and agreed about how much we relished finding someone who knew what we meant when we talked about Church practices, I connected once again with someone I’d never met before but someone with whom I had such a deep bond.
And that is why I do this. That is why I blog. I blog to hopefully touch the hearts, souls, and minds of people who have experienced what I have, as well as those who have experienced entirely different things. I blog to find anyone I can who grew up in the Church, or was in the Church, so that I can remember and reminisce and deepen my understanding and integration.
I blog for every email or comment I get that says, “Thank you.” I blog for every ex-Moonie who is looking for answers and soothing.
This is why I do this.
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