I want to memorize this feeling, even as I allow it to flow through me, and I stay present in the next moment. And the next.
I want to carve it on my heart and mind, so that I can pull it up when I want (or need) it most.
I’m sitting here with both my kids. Enjoying them. Basking in them. And potentially annoying them. But I don’t care (about the annoying part).
“Deal with it,” I say to them, as I hug or kiss them one more time. “Deal with it.”
“It sucks to have me love you this much,” I acknowledge to them. “And to have me delight in you so much.”
They can deal with it, because I’m not stopping.
I’m not stopping – or even pausing – the love that soars through me as I look at and listen to my kids. The delight I feel in learning more about who they are and who they are becoming. The joy that floods my senses and clouds my vision…in a good way.
My parents may have loved (or may love) me this much, but I didn’t know it if they did. I didn’t feel it in how they attempted to show it.
My kids might not appreciate my over-focus on and over-affection for them. They may find me annoying (they clearly do at times). But they know I love them, and to me, that is way, way cool.
My kids know they matter to me – more than most things if not all things. They know they can tell me anything (and I’ll most likely respond in a completely wrong way at first, but still). They know they can ask me anything. And ask me for anything. And I love knowing that they know all this.
And the joy I feel as I sit with the two of them, the wholeness that envelops me as I look down the hall and see both of their bedroom doors closed (because they’re both here and asleep), the completeness that soothes me as I watch them talk – or wrestle – in the other room – all of these emotions are all I want in life.
I want to remember these moments forever, even as I move on to each next moment. I want to remember these moments forever.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
Oh my gosh. You hit the nail exactly on the head. So far it has been so much fun to watch our children grow in to themselves. And I want to remember it all!
Your kids are so lucky to have you and Bruce annoying them. Lucky lucky them!
I taught it was just another “girly” stuff but, actually, it IS a grown women theme. Deeply moving experience, with plain and simple words – “through simplicity to Divinity”. Immanent elements of standard American self-questioning, self-reevaluating, but not in annoying amount, as with other authors (forgive to poor & simple-minded EUROPEAN servant of God). End of the story has carved his way into my mind. Again, it was deeply moving experience…
Personal notice: I gather your parents weren’t of Slavic/South European culture… Well, you have become one…
Thank you for your thoughts and participation in my blog. I believe the Slavic in my heritage is way, way back.