I can get SO caught in this. Trying to do what’s “right.” Terrified of doing what’s “wrong.”
These are old thought patterns – this belief that there is a “right” and “wrong.”
I was talking to a Second Generation the other day (someone who was born and raised in the Unification Church). We were laughing at the conundrum of being caught between “right” and “wrong” when there is no right and wrong. But boy, we were taught it, and boy is that learning a tough thing to put down.
When you’re taught that mankind has failed God endlessly – from Adam and Eve down to people on the street today – you become quite fearful of failing God. When you’re taught that even a quick sense of doubt as to the Truths you have been given is Satan himself doing all he can to pry you away from God and the path of righteousness, you come to doubt your own brain, your own thoughts, your own intuition, and your own best knowing.
You get really afraid of getting it “wrong.”
I now know there isn’t a right and wrong. And I now recognize when I get caught in the endless loop of fear. False Evidence Appearing Real, as I’ve written here in the past.
It will be wonderful when one day my mind doesn’t quickly jump to judging myself (and everything around me). It will be wonderful when I no longer have to breathe through the doubts and the panic. It will be wonderful when panic and anxiety – irrational panic and anxiety – don’t consume me. And until that day, I will keep reminding myself that there is no right and wrong, and that, therefore, I can’t get it all wrong. I will keep reminding myself of all that is right, of all that is good, of all that is beautiful.
And even if I do get it all wrong, there is always another chance. There is always another moment. There is always another opportunity to come to this day with love.
I was taught the FEAR of right and wrong. I was taught the responsibility of not messing that up. I was taught the burden of not letting God down. And I can learn – and have learned – different things.
I know that this terror of right and wrong isn’t mine alone. I know that many people who weren’t raised in cults also live their days ruled by this lie. I know that we all can – one moment at a time, one breath at a time – live a different way.
Because there is no right and wrong.
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