As I’ve shared a few times, I skied into a tree six weeks ago. Not intentionally, and I don’t recommend doing that. In fact, I highly recommend NOT doing that.
I skied head and chest first into a tree and ended up with a hairline fracture in my sternum and a mild concussion.
The hairline fracture is healed, and I can, slowly, happily go back to my yoga practice and my lifting routine. I have missed those. The concussion, on the other hand, is still here. Lingering. Messing me up. Messing everything up.
Because it’s making me go slow. Way slow. Way slower than slow. And, even with how slow I’m going, at times I have to stop. Completely stop. I can only do so much before my brain quits, and I need to close my eyes in a dark room and rest.
So, I’m way behind. Way way behind. In fact, way way way behind. And even with how slow I’m going, I’m forgetting things. Dropping things. Nearly not showing up for things. Not showing up for things. Saying “No.”
I’m letting people down, and one of my deeply carved ways of being is to never let anyone down. To do whatever needs to be done. No. Matter. What.
But instead, I’m going so slow. Needing to rest. And disappointing friends, family, clients, business partner, and all.
Man, but does this wreak havoc on a perfectionist’s mind and psyche. Thank goddess I claim to be a recovering perfectionist, eh?
Either way, this is all a fascinating process. And a huge learning experience.
Because I have no choice but to let people down. I simply can’t do all that I’m used to doing. That I used to do. I absolutely have to stop more than one might think is necessary. More than I think is necessary.
I have no choice as to how slow I go and whether or not I let people down, but I do have a choice how I treat myself, as I drop things and forget things and frustrate people. I’m happy to say I’m being gentle with myself. I’m accepting my limitations, putting my hand on my heart, and reminding myself that, “It’s okay sweetheart. You’re doing the best you can do, and even though it’s not enough, it’s completely enough.”
Even as this is not okay, I’m letting it be okay. I’m letting myself be okay with it. I know (and I say, over and over) that I’m only lucky. I was wearing a helmet. I am alive. I am posting a blog post and living my life.
But, man, does a concussion wreak havoc on a recovering perfectionist’s mind and psyche.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!