My posts generally aren’t prepared weeks (or even week) in advance, so I’m writing now in the midst of the craziness and rampant fear and unknown…
Trying to figure out what to think, feel, know, believe, and perhaps especially, do. Trying to find calm and peace to soothe myself in any way I can, to soothe those I’m in contact with in any way I can, and to soothe (maybe?) the world in any way I can.
Knowing that I can be filled with irrational fears and wondering what, if anything, is irrational right now. (I know some of it is and maybe some of it isn’t.) Having to potentially put limits on my 17-year-old (and myself) and knowing that my 23-year-old is on their own and I have to trust and believe that they’ll be fine. Even though, I’ll admit it, I so wish they were sitting across the room (or up the stairs) from me right now.
Trying to limit my social interaction on the hopes that it will help keep this all from getting way way crazy and scary and increasing my electronic social interaction in the hopes that it will ease all our hearts and souls.
My stomach is currently whacked – has been for a few days. I don’t know if it’s just fear or if it’s fear plus a stomach bug of some sort. Trying to be patient and have self-compassion with that.
So, what am I doing? I am meditating more. Staying in the moment whenever I can. Seeing the beauty that is still here. The sunshine. The flowers. The smiles of family, friends, and strangers (an appropriate distance away). Connecting with the people I love and sending all the love I can (electronically). Doing my best to be more forgiving and accepting – of myself, my fears, everyone else, their reactions. Letting go of mild frustrations and irritations at others, when I can, and putting things in perspective. Trying to let go of what I can’t control (a hell of a lot of things) and remembering that we don’t yet know what will happen and therefore at least some of my fear may be misplaced or unnecessary. Remembering that anxiety is a mixture of fear and hope – and looking for and focusing on the hope. Doing what’s in front of me and stopping to check in with myself (and others) – and meditating, forgiving, connecting, and breathing as much as I can as long as it helps.
(Here is a post from Shine specifically about coronavirus anxiety that I’ve found helpful to help me find calm…)
All of my sweet sayings and platitudes seem maybe somewhat pithy and also still soothing. I have my hand on my heart. My breath in my body. And my heart reaching out to all of you and all of yours…
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!