I am playing with awareness. They say, “awareness is the first step.”
I’m noticing when I feel tense or tight. And I’m (doing my best to) breathe it all away. Then I’m noticing it again and (doing my best to) breathe it all away again.
It’s an on-and-on process for me. I’m even letting that be okay.
There are moments when I’m calm and connected to my best self – and I know I’m at my best. Which, by the way, no longer means perfect or achieving or “on” at all times to me. I’ve learned – and taught myself – that my best self is my wholest, realest, loving-est, at times messiest self.
Then there are moments when I can’t seem to find – or even believe I have – a best self. When the only options that seem possible are fear or fight or flight. When I am compelled beyond resisting to fixing or shutting down or pleasing, pleasing, pleasing. When the life-saving yet self-destructive behaviors and thought-patterns that were carved into my psyche as survival mechanisms seem to be all I have in front of and inside of me.
Then I notice. And I breathe.
If in every moment I have a choice, then I can choose ease and letting it go more and more. If in every situation or every time I’m triggered I have the option to find a pause and to respond – to decide how to respond – rather than just react, then I can choose ease and letting it go more and more.
Sometimes I ask my clients to just be aware. If they’re practicing a new behavior or thought-pattern, I ask them to simply notice the old one when it creeps in – or explodes in. “Pay attention to what’s going on, how you’re feeling, what’s happening in your body and mind, what you say and do,” I offer them.
That’s what I’m offering myself now as well.
I’m convinced that the more I can pay attention to my tension and tightness, the more I’ll be able to breathe and release it. The more I can observe my knee-jerk reactions, the more I’ll be able to decide if those are the ways I want to react.
It’s about, for me, lessening – bit by bit and again and again – my need for perfection. My need for me to be perfect. For you to be perfect. For what I do and say…and how I do and say it…and even what I’m thinking and feeling about it…to be perfect. For the situation to be perfect.
Lessening that need. Letting it go. Turning it over.
It’s about, for me, doing all that I know I must do and want to do and can do to bring more love and light to the world and the people I encounter. And paying attention to the pressure I put on myself, forgiving myself for the pressure I put on myself, noticing the tension and tightness that I often walk around with…and letting it all go.
And letting myself (and the world) just be.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!