I believe I’ve written about this here, but it bears repeating. I have a friend, another Second Gen (those of us born and/or raised in an extremist situation), whose therapist has taught them to say to themselves – to counteract the crazy, harmful, self-loathing ideas that are sometimes in their head – “that’s the cult talking.”
My friend learned this from their therapist and taught it to me, and I am teaching it to just about everyone I can.
“That’s the cult talking.”
Okay, so for the people I know, and especially the clients I coach, who were not raised in a cult, I offer them the concept with a “fill-in-the-blank” space. “That’s the _____ talking.” For some it’s the disease of alcoholism. For some it’s the loneliness in their hearts or the shame they carry with themselves. For some it’s whatever dysfunction they grew up with or they learned to accept as “okay” and “normal.”
That’s the _____ talking.”
Remembering that the cult of my childhood carved crazy, harmful, self-loathing paradigms and mindsets into my brain frees me – almost immediately – from being completely stuck in the crazy, harmful, self-loathing paradigms and mindsets. As I share with my clients, it makes sense that their brains work in the ways they work, based on what they lived through, but they do not have to listen to, or believe, those crazy, harmful, self-loathing paradigms and mindsets any more.
We have a choice. We get to say, “That’s the ____ talking.”
There are still deeply engrained toxic beliefs in my soul and psyche. There may always be. I am okay with that, and I am excavating them with love. I am learning to love myself more and more just as I am, even with those deeply engrained toxic beliefs. “That’s the cult talking” reminds me that it makes total sense that I have those beliefs – again, operating with that “definition” of the world probably saved me – and that those beliefs aren’t true.
They simply aren’t true. They’re the cult talking, and with time and effort – and love – I’m moving away from them more and more and more.
That’s the _____ talking.” May it free you as well. Please let me know how/if it does.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
Good post on the importance to create “space” to observe and respond to “ingrained and toxic beliefs.” By doing so we can be aware the “reality” we believe we experience is mostly “in our heads” not “out there” somewhere.
Thank you Jack!
…” to love myself more and more”…That is something you often say that I need to repeat to myself and do something about it! After all these years I still find it difficult to do things that make me happy & are beneficial to me.
Yes. Of course you (we) still find that difficult. That’s the cult talking :).
Yes. Do things that make you happy and are beneficial to you.