My anxiety has been a bit rampant recently. I wonder why???? 🙂

I added a tool to my toolkit. I worked out a plan with my therapist to, if not handle, at least be less thrown by my anxiety.

First, I think “Pause.” Then I remember that I’m powerless.

The great thing is that this really works. Usually. I pause my thoughts and come back to the present moment. I remember that, in this present moment, I am okay. I am safe. I am fine. And then I remember that I’m powerless over my anxiety and racing emotions, my bodily sensations, the situation, the continued election results, other people’s feelings, other people’s thoughts about me, etc. etc. etc.

And, again usually, I feel a huge release and a sense of calm. I feel my need to control ease off and I’m, once again, grounded in now.

Except sometimes. Sometimes I realize that I STILL think I somehow have the power to affect my anxiety and racing emotions, my bodily sensations, the situation, perhaps not the continued election results but definitely other people’s feelings and other people’s thoughts about me. Especially other people’s feelings and thoughts about me. I realize that I still have a nearly unrefusable impulse to do whatever I need to do and be whomever and however I need to be to make sure other people have good feelings and good thoughts about me. To make sure they’re okay. To not just relieve them of any suffering and pain, but to make sure they never have it in the first place.

Damn. I still think I have power. And responsibility. Power and responsibility to make sure people around me are happy. Power and responsibility to make sure they don’t get upset with me.

Damn.

Then I, once again, put my hand on my heart and say myself, “It’s okay sweetheart. Of course you think this way. You were taught to think this way. You were taught to believe this. To know this. It is the cult talking. You are powerful and you do have power and you can continue to stand in your power. But not power and responsibility to make sure everyone around you is happy. For that, you can choose to believe and do something else.”

And I do. One day at a time. One minute at a time. I choose love.

Love. With. All. My. Heart.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

Photo by Dazzle Jam on nappy

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