I don’t know if I’m proud or a wee bit embarrassed that this is the newest nickname my older brother gave me. Or, if I were being fully truthful, that we both gave me.

I guess that kinda gives a sense of how I feel about it.

The wee engine that will (perfectly) no matter what.

Every time I say it, and I mistakenly leave out the perfectly, my loving older brother reminds me to put it back in. And everyone I’ve mentioned this to has knowingly laughed or at least smiled and nodded their head “yes.”

I have been saying, “Awareness is the first step” for decades. For so many decades that my older child said to me probably five years ago, “You never told me that that was from AA!”

It is from Alcoholics Anonymous, and it is true. And I am very, very aware that, left to my own devices, I can be the wee engine that will no matter what…sorry, that will (perfectly) no matter what.

And the good things about my awareness are that:
1) I notice it when I do it,
2) that helps me do it less, or at least stop doing it once I’ve started, and
3) I can laugh about it and at myself.

I could define for you what I mean by “the wee engine that will (perfectly) no matter what,” but I’ve written about my drive and push and Mighty Mouse complex many times before…and I guess it’s kinda self-explanatory. I think “The Little Engine That Could” is a great story, and “I think I can; I think I can” is great positive self-talk. But my first response of “I know I must; I know I must” is not quite as great. Or as positive. Or self-talk I want anymore.

I embrace my “wee engine that will (perfectly) no matter what-ness.” I accept it and I enjoy it. And I’m lengthening my list of the things I’m not doing (and not doing perfectly) despite this drive.

How about you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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