Recently I’ve been feeling as if I’m somehow leaking out of myself. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s as if there are holes in my being and I’m seeping out of those holes, instead of being whole. So, I’m working on that. This may sound weird (not that there’s anything wrong with being weird…I actually believe there’s a lot right about being “weird”) but I’m envisioning myself with a huge colorful zipper running up my body, and I’m visualizing pulling all of me back into me and then zipping myself up, to whole myself.

Did that make sense to anyone?

Anyway, it makes sense to me. It helps me get back into my body, into the moment, into my experience, and into my heart, soul, and mind. As opposed to seeping out into everyone else’s point of view and needs.

I zip myself back in, and then I feel this rush of wholeness and groundedness. I feel myself taking up all my space.

I love the feeling of taking up all my space.

Yes, as a child I learned in so many ways not to take up space. Not to have needs. Not to have wants. Pretty much not to have my own feelings or thoughts. That is how one is controlled in a cult, and that is how I stayed safe amidst the craziness around me. Maybe that was part of my anorexia – an attempt to disappear into nothing.

But now I’m learning to take up space. All my space. To share space with all of you, but still step into my own. To have needs. To have wants. To have feelings and thoughts…and to express them all. Probably messily. Most likely loudly. Definitely timidly at times. But to express them nonetheless.

And that feeling – of being present, of being me, of taking up space – is a rush like none other and also a slow, powerful surety that I haven’t fully known before.

You do you. I’ll do me. Take up your space. I’ll take up mine. We’ll meet in the middle or somewhere…

I love the feeling of taking up all my space.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

Photo by Erik Odiin on Unsplash

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