There is a lot going on right now, suffice it to say. A lot of hard stuff. Friends are texting me, asking how I am, and I am for perhaps the first time, texting back, “I’m not okay.”

I’m not okay. I will be. I know that. And I am, deep down. But I am admitting that it’s hard. Way hard.

I was texting with one friend, going into a few of the details, and I ended a text with “WHILE ALSO TAKING THE F—K CARE OF MYSELF!!”

To which she responded, “New Mantra. TAKE THE F—K CARE OF MYSELF!!! Thank you for sharing. Obviously I love it.”

That is my new mantra, or perhaps, that’s been my mantra for a f—ing long time.

It does go against everything I was taught in the cult in which I was raised. Everything that was forced into my brain and psyche. Every time I was told that caring for myself – thinking of myself – was sinful and wrong. Every time I was told to sacrifice for god and mankind. That I was lucky to give up living with my mom. That I should be grateful that I could do that for god and mankind.

So, I’m walking around, once again, with my hand on my heart. I’m breathing deep. I’m meditating more. I’m reaching out to friends and family. I’m asking for hugs. I’m slowing down. I’m giving myself a pass on SO many things. (I almost didn’t write this blog post, but it felt good to do it. It felt like I was taking the f—k care of myself!) I’m admitting that I’m not okay, or that I am okay but I certainly could be better. I’m f—-ing up and forgiving myself. Not caring even.


(P.S. This goes for always, not just when/if there’s a lot going on…)

How about you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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