Back when I was physically in the yoga studio again, the instructor offered this.
Well, she actually offered, “Surrender more fully,” but I added the even. Because it’s what I needed to hear – and need to hear – again and again and over and over.
I first learned that surrender was the answer to all my problems – much like acceptance is – when I first crawled into Al-Anon decades ago. About three-and-a-half decades ago. It made very little sense to me at the time. At that point, I thought that it was my ability to push through and make things happen no matter what that was my saving grace and answer. Well, I actually probably didn’t think that, because I had no clue that that’s what I did. Now I know that I can – and will – push through just about anything, but now I also know that that’s not usually (if ever) my best, healthiest choice.
My pushing through and doing “no matter what” is a survival/coping mechanism that probably helped me survive my childhood and that probably helped me leave the cult in which I was raised. It was (is) such an unconscious, go-to response that I really have no clue I’m doing it…and that others don’t and maybe can’t do what I do. I’m halfway into pushing before I might realize it’s happening or, more likely, someone – hopefully lovingly – points it out to me.
I can so easily forget to let go and surrender. I can get caught in the old beliefs – that were forced into me by my cult – that surrendering is letting god down. Is failing my responsibility. Is weakness. And sinful.
When the opposite is true.
A few weeks ago, I shocked a client when I told her that vulnerability was a strength, not a weakness. The same is true for surrendering. For letting go. For giving up even.
They are strengths. They are contrary to what I was taught and what is engrained in my cellular knowledge, but they are strengths.
When I let go, I ease. When I surrender, I feel myself more fully. When I stop fighting and pushing, there is more space for grace – and others – to step in.
Today I surrender (even) more fully. In my yoga practice. In my life. In my relationships.
I surrender (even) more fully again.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!