When I was a child, I learned that it wasn’t safe to take up space. I may not have been specifically taught that – at first – but I learned it nonetheless.
I learned to be as small as possible. (And yes, I know I am, have always been, and will always be physically small, but I’m referring to my spirit. My courage to be and to be me.)
I learned to not voice my needs and wants. To not even know I had needs and wants. As I’ve said many times, when your mother asks you what she should do about her compulsion to be more involved in the cult you’re now in, and you, of course, reply that she should leave you to serve God, and you’re told over and over and over again how lucky and wonderful you are for sacrificing in this way, so you know that you are sinful when and if you ever miss your mom or regret your “choice,” you pretty much learn to not know you have needs or wants.
It is a psychic slam dunk.
So, I am learning more and more to acknowledge my needs and wants. To honor my needs and wants. To voice my needs and wants. And to do what I can to meet my needs and wants.
Which is standing in my power and taking up my space. It’s continuing not to play small, but instead letting myself play big. And even bigger. It’s – literally – walking in the sunshine and spreading my arms as wide as they’ll go and feeling all the space I can occupy. It’s asking myself, moment by moment, what do you need and want now sweetheart? What will make your heart soar even more in this moment? What will ease you and soothe you and joy you?
Which is, btw, why I end up sitting at the beach or watching the flock of green parrots flying over my head or following the yellow birds as they come to ‘visit’ me or staring out into the water or up at the palm trees in the sky. (Yes, I am extremely fortunate and I am in Florida and I am determined to let the glorious nature around me fuel and fill me.)
When I watch nature and notice, I notice how it all takes up its space. The trees. The sky. The beach. The water. The flocks of birds. The solo yellow birds.
They all take up space, as if it’s their inherent right to do so. Which it is.
Which is true for all of us as well. Go figure.
I am taking up all the space I can.
How about you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
Photo by Humphrey Muleba on unsplash