I don’t remember where I heard this, but it clearly resonated as I wrote it down.
So many things are resonating these days.
“Cancer is the greatest teacher, if you let it be one.” This is what a dearest friend texted to me today.
I also recently heard, “I will take more from cancer than cancer takes from me.” This is true too. Or at least it is my intention to make it true – to take more from this cancer (and chemo) than it takes from me.
And many, many, many, many, many times I have been told by so many people to be selfish, to put myself first, to do whatever the f—k I need and want to feel even a little bit better in every single moment.
This is truly a not fun, shitty experience, but it is also, as always, a chance to learn and grow and grow even stronger. A chance to learn to trust myself, to no longer question myself, and to know what I need.
So many of us were raised in and with self-doubt. When you grow up in a cult, they embed self-doubt into your mind, soul, and being. All the better to keep you under control.
I was literally taught that if I questioned anything outside myself – any “truth” given to me by the church or Moon – it was Satan, inside of me, trying to win me back from god. I was taught that wanting and needing was sinful and wrong. I was taught to question myself and my reality and to turn to others for the answers.
My cancer diagnosis has taught me to reject those lies even more. My chemo experience is teaching me that I know what I want and need in this moment, what will make it easier and what will make me feel better. And that it’s okay to need it and to ask for it. This entire journey (with more still to come) is grounding me even more in myself and my essence.
I will let this cancer be my teacher.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
If you have been in ANY high control group or religion, share your story with the hashtag #IGotOut. Share on your own platform OR if you need to be anonymous and/or would like support, there are resources at the @igotout_org website.
When you see a survivor share their story, let them know they have been heard. This is such a meaningful part of the movement. We all need to know we’re not alone.
If you know someone who has been harmed by a high demand group, share #igotout posts or stories you think would help them.
Together we can bring awareness to how many of us have been harmed by high control organizations and end the shame or stigma we might feel about our experiences.
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