At some point last Friday, in the midst of my work day, I realized that I was going too fast. Again. I found myself tired from moving too quickly and doing too much. I’ve done a great job (not to categorize it) of slowing down and doing less, but as my strength is hopefully coming back, perhaps so is my push and my old pace.

I choose to come back differently.

I heard decades ago, when I first crawled into my twelve-step program, about being a human being rather than a human doing. I couldn’t even comprehend the concept at that time. Over the years, however, I’ve grasped it more and more and I’ve done less more and more. And then a cancer diagnosis and chemo flattened me and left me lying on my side porch daybed – or in my hammock – doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Completely, absolutely nothing.

Being rather than doing. It was glorious.

It is exciting to be able to do more now. Day by day to do a bit more. And yet I intend to remember to be – to just be – even as I grow stronger and quicker. To be slow at times, even when I can be quick. To be at a full stop more than I used to think was good. Or even possible.

It’s also important for me to remember that while healing is still my fulltime job, and while it may be my fulltime job for a long time, at least in some ways, I don’t have to work at it. I don’t have to actively heal. I don’t have to make that a fulltime focus or to put all my energy, strength, and speed into it.

I can, again, just be.

I’ll be a human being, rather than a human doing or a human healing.

I’ll leave it at that for today, and I’ll go do a little more nothing.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

If you have been in ANY high control group or religion, share your story with the hashtag #IGotOut. Share on your own platform OR if you need to be anonymous and/or would like support, there are resources at the @igotout_org website.

When you see a survivor share their story, let them know they have been heard. This is such a meaningful part of the movement. We all need to know we’re not alone.

If you know someone who has been harmed by a high demand group, share #igotout posts or stories you think would help them.

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