Somehow that seems hard to believe right now, and yet my mind and soul are reaching for it and reaching for it to be true.
It’s all okay. Nothing is wrong.
Last year was a long year of a lot that felt wrong. Very wrong. That I wish hadn’t happened or hadn’t happened how it did. Caring for Danny. Danny’s death. Surgery. Cancer. Chemo. BRCA2 positive. More surgery (in a week). Not to mention just life and work and relationships and insomnia and trying to simply be okay.
Which is why, ‘it’s all okay; nothing is wrong’ is maybe helpful and definitely eases my soul.
I am still taking the hits from all of this and feeling the feels. With more surgery (prophylactic ‘no breast’ surgery, because of the BRCA2) to come, I’m definitely feeling the feels.
Pretty much all I say is, “It’s a lot.”
It is a lot. Sometimes I can still get down on myself for being down or for being afraid or for not sleeping or for…for any and all of it.
That’s when I remember that even as shitty as all this has been, it’s all okay and in this very moment, I might not feel well, but I’m okay.
I can and will find even more of my balance. I can and will find myself again. I can and will live with love and joy. I can and will stand with and for myself and with and for others. I can and will Love With All My Heart.
Today I may need to curl up with my heat pillow/security blanket and give myself a huge, huge hug. I will know that I’ll get through the next surgery and after that, I should start to slowly regain my strength and my capacity for joy and wonder. I will soothe and ease and comfort myself – and those around me who are also suffering. I will have compassion for my childhood self and childhood pains…and for the adult me who just went through – and is still going through – a lot.
I will know that, no matter how it feels right now, it’s all okay and nothing is wrong.
Do you need comfort and love too? What will comfort you? If you’ve read this far, please let me know! xxx
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on unsplash
If you have been in ANY high control group or religion, share your story with the hashtag #IGotOut. Share on your own platform OR if you need to be anonymous and/or would like support, there are resources at the @igotout_org website.
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The Universe has got you, Lisa, and so many people (and birds) love you, including me. Keep your perspective and you will get through this, with even more wisdom, and more ability to spread the light.
I am and I will. xxx