I’ve written before about the cult hymn I grew up with:
How will I use this treasure store?
How will I share this wordless joy?
I’ll greet all men with a loving heart.
I’ll speak the truth with a clear voice.
I was taught to be a heavenly soldier for god and my “True Parents” – Rev and Mrs Moon. I was taught that there was a truth that was absolute Truth and therefore higher and “truer” than mine.
I am discovering, remembering, and knowing that that’s not true. That is the cult talking, as I’ve also learned to say in the last few years.
I have taught myself that my truth is the truth I must know and follow. As far as I now believe, there isn’t an ultimate truth, and my truth is not inherently wrong.
These can still be mind-blowing for me.
I am learning to trust my body (which I largely shut down and disassociated from to be safe when I was young), my gut (which I never knew was there – see above), and my heart (which I was told to – and therefore perfectly did – doubt and question). I am finding my way and looking to me for my first answers.
None of this means that I disregard others and their opinions, perspectives, needs, and wants. It means that I don’t disregard myself either. That I do my best to be open and flexible and to, as much as I can, always come from love. And that I also come from love for myself.
As I like to remind myself (and anyone who will listen), that we love ourselves first, most, and always.
When I allow and trust and speak my truth, I am, in fact, more open and willing. I am also less anxious, less hypervigilant, and less reactive.
It seems like a win-win to me.
All of this is why one of my recent tattoos was “Speak my truth in a clear voice.” (Written in my older child’s handwriting, because they are kind and loving, and we couldn’t find a font we liked.) It is outrageously funny to me that it’s on my arm in a place that I can’t fully see, because the tattoo artist insisted that that placement was best. (Get the irony? I can’t see the tattoo the way I wanted to because I didn’t fully trust my own voice.)
All of this is to remind myself to listen for my truth and to speak it, at least to myself, at least so I have some sense of what it is. As I heal from all that’s happened in the past year. As I continue to move forward in an even more whole and lovingly-paced pace (aka slower). As I find more and more and more of me that my health and heart challenges have brought to light.
I will lovingly hold myself against the falsehoods that were intentionally carved into me.
I will speak my truth in a clear voice.
How about you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
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