I feel like a broken record as I write, again, that healing is not linear and now can be hard. I’m tired of feeling that way, and I’m tired of writing that.
I could clearly have even more self-compassion.
So many of us have been so conditioned to push ourselves harder, to judge ourselves harsher, and to hold ourselves to even higher standards.
Just yesterday night, as I felt the physical ache and low-grade depression from a night of insomnia, piled on top of the lingering Covid, I said to my husband, “I am so sick of feeling so sick.”
I paused and then said, “OK, I’m done complaining.”
To which he lovingly replied, “You have every right to complain.”
I stopped and questioned my self-criticism. I may not want to stay in my yucky feelings about how yucky I feel, because they feel, well, yucky. But as I keep getting slammed with one more physical challenge (or medical test to “just make sure”), I do, in many ways, have every right to complain. Or at least to be frustrated and tired of it and to admit it, even out loud.
I could clearly have even more self-compassion.
Now, as we all know, I am someone who pretty much lives in self-compassion. I have my hand on my heart nearly all day long (especially now). I start the day with what some might call over-the-top loving messages to myself. (They seem quite spot on to me.) I have been cutting myself countless breaks, as I make countless mistakes and can sometimes count the number of things I do in a day on both hands…or maybe even one hand.
And yet, I’ll stand by this – I could clearly have even more self-compassion.
I’m pretty sure we all could.
How can I? How do I? How do we?
Here are three of my current faves:
- Have some perspective – Chances are strong that if you were going through what I am going through, my compassion for you would be off the charts. Turn that compassion around into self-compassion. How would you treat someone else in your situation?
- Remember I’m/you’re doing the best I/you can – Even if however I show up doesn’t seem like much, and, especially these days, what I accomplish seems less than possible, I am doing the best I can in this moment. How can you see yourself as enough (or more than enough)?
- Just do it (anyway) – This goes back to the hand-on-the-heart syndrome I have. Whenever I put my hand on my heart, I automatically take a deeper breath and I feel my heart relax and expand. My self-compassion inevitably increases. I don’t know what your equivalent of hand-on-the-heart is, but how can you give that to yourself and let yourself feel the ease and compassion?
I do believe we all could do with even more self-compassion. I know I can. I’m gonna up that now.
How about you? Please let me know what works for you.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
Photo by Alyssa Sieb on nappy
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