When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

I heard this quote again today.

I’m stuck in not accepting today. Not accepting others. Not accepting situations. Not accepting my reactions. Especially my reactions. I somehow think I should be “better about this” – whatever that means.

My nonacceptance is subtle. It doesn’t look like nonacceptance, even to my well-trained eye. It masquerades as being understanding or taking responsibility or being kind or positive. It makes me think I’m doing my best to show up as my best self.

But I’m not really. Instead, I’m trying to convince and sway and make a difference. Make things different.

I’m trying to please and assuage and make things okay.

When my real answer is to let go even more…and even more…and even more again.

And then to accept things as they are and myself as I am and to know that things are already okay. Exactly as they are.

That still – nearly forty years after crawling into my first twelve-step meeting – can be hard for me.

But it is my answer. To let go and to let go some more.

To breathe deep and notice all that’s right and bask in all that’s good and the love and joy and beauty in and around me.

To stop trying. To stop trying to stop trying. To accept myself just as I am and let things be and let go.

And let go some more.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

Photo by osa.igiede on nappy

If you have been in ANY high control group or religion, share your story with the hashtag #IGotOut. Share on your own platform OR if you need to be anonymous and/or would like support, there are resources at the @igotout_org website.

When you see a survivor share their story, let them know they have been heard. This is such a meaningful part of the movement. We all need to know we’re not alone.

If you know someone who has been harmed by a high demand group, share #igotout posts or stories you think would help them.

Together we can bring awareness to how many of us have been harmed by high control organizations and end the shame or stigma we might feel about our experiences.

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