This came out of my mouth whilst I was coaching a client. They were talking about their hesitation to connect with certain people, their wondering if others would want to connect with them, if they were “good enough,” the shame that crept into them.
“If it’s shame based, it’s a lie,” emerged.
It emerged as if out of nowhere, and it’s true. It’s so so true.
I am becoming more and more aware of the lies in my head that work against me. I was conditioned, groomed, and trained to be filled with self-doubt. With self-loathing. With self-criticism.
With a strong knowledge of my unworthiness.
I now know that none of that is true. They are all lies.
I am worthy. Each of us is worthy. Each of us is beautiful and worthy and deserving of love. Each of us deserves a life of joy and ease and wonder.
I have learned over the years to call out the lies in my head. I use “that’s the cult talking,” when the shame and lies rear up. I offer that line to clients, to just take out “cult” and put in whatever works for them.
Calling the lies out in this way allows me to see more clearly. It gives me space between those lies and myself, so that I don’t have to believe them or take them in. It reminds me to pause. To put my hand on my heart. To soothe. To feel the love within me and for me.
With all this, I can separate from the lies and resettle into truth – that I am okay. That right now is basically okay. And that shame is not true, and that it never, never helps me.
If it’s shame based, it’s a lie.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
If you have been in ANY high control group or religion, share your story with the hashtag #IGotOut. Share on your own platform OR if you need to be anonymous and/or would like support, there are resources at the @igotout_org website.
When you see a survivor share their story, let them know they have been heard. This is such a meaningful part of the movement. We all need to know we’re not alone.
If you know someone who has been harmed by a high demand group, share #igotout posts or stories you think would help them.
Together we can bring awareness to how many of us have been harmed by high control organizations and end the shame or stigma we might feel about our experiences.
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