Again, a yoga practice.

Again, exactly what I needed to hear.

If you can’t breathe, what’s the point?

I know the instructor was focused on our yoga and our poses, but this resonated me bigger and deeper than just that. It’s true of my yoga practice, because it reminds me not to push and strive in yoga, and it’s true bigger and deeper than that, because…well, because it reminds me not to push and strive in everything.

One of my gifts is my incredible strength and resilience. I will come right out and say that. I have the ability – or perhaps I’ve adapted to have the ability – to get through just about anything and everything. Perhaps needless to say, that’s come in handy in the last few years with my palindrome plus one of “concussion brain, covid brain, anesthesia brain, chemo brain, anesthesia brain, covid brain, concussion brain…concussion brain.” My strength and resilience most likely helped me move through the cancer and chemo as well as I did.

But any gift pushed too far can also be a liability, and in many ways, my incredible strength and resilience can be just that. Because I can push through just about anything, I do push through just about anything. And I do push too much. And I probably lose my ability to easily breathe and calm.

Just the other day, I was admitting that I was tired of having to be resilient. Well, first I said I was tired of being resilient, but again, I do believe that is mostly a gift. I’m tired of life keeping on throwing things at me so that I have to lean into my resilience.

I’m mostly tired of leaning into my resilience with an attitude of “suck it up and push.” And of not being able to breathe.

I’m playing with, and learning how to lean into, a gentler calmer resilience. A deep-set inner strength and groundedness that is not trying or pushing or “needing to be okay,” but instead is just being. Being however I am. Being okay with not being okay. Just being.

And making sure I can breathe.

Because if I can’t breathe, what’s the point.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

Photo by rishikesh yogpeeth on unsplash

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