Again, a yoga practice. Again, what I (always) need to hear.
Give yourself grace today.
I saw a dear, longtime friend yesterday. My first coaching client. In fact, the person who helped me become a coach when she said to me, “I want to be you. Do you coach?”
I quickly started my coach training.
We were catching up on life, work, mental health, physical health. All of it. I told her that I had, in many ways, quieted much of the unwelcome, unnecessary, and non-supportive and loving voices in my head. I told that, as I believe I’ve written here, I’m in the midst of a beautiful, intense, spectacular love affair with myself.
“How?” she asked me. “How did you get there. What did you do?”
There are many practices and tools I use, on pretty much a daily (or even minute-to-minute) basis, which may sound like a lot of work, but it’s not. Because the outcome of this feels so good, and even the practices and tools can feel so good. Here are a few:
- Remember neuroplasticity – our brains can evolve and grow and shift, and it’s my joy to be able to actively work to shift my brain. To take my brain from the negative and the self-loathing, self-doubting, self-criticizing that was carved into me in my cult upbringing and open my brain to self-loving, self-believing and self-welcoming that I can choose to have.
- Practice mindfulness – when I remember to breathe and be in this exact moment, I can remember that I am okay. Sometimes even good. I can simply notice my “stinking thinking” and reactive emotions, and by noticing them, they begin to lose their power over me. I intentionally call them out, making a mental mark on my arm ala a favourite Dr. Who episode (ping me and I’ll tell you about it). This separates me from the thoughts that lead me astray, so I can choose how I want to be in this moment.
- Feel – I learned not to need, not to want, not to feel as a child. I am allowing my feelings now. Naming them. Welcoming them. Letting them flow in and through me. I’m learning from the anger. Expressing the grief. Embracing the joy.
- Love myself – first, most, and always, and as many of the now over 120 ways that I text a dearest each morning as I can. I do know that love is a verb, and I can be loving to and with and for myself. It is my choice every day.
- See the good – there is so much good and joy and beauty around me, even as things can be tough or overwhelming at times. I do my best to look for, notice, and absorb all the beauty, love, and joy that I can.
- Give myself grace – we got there. I have learned to be so compassionate and understanding with myself. Of course, I react the way I do sometimes. Of course, things are hard from me, perhaps harder than they may be for others. Of course, I am still learning from, moving through, and affected by the complex trauma I’ve experienced. I have more patience with and for myself. I stand with and for myself. I put my hand on my heart, ala Tara Brach, and say, “It’s okay sweetheart. Of course, you feel this way. I love you and adore you.”
All this, and other things (again, ping me if you want to know more), has brought me to more quiet in my head and more intense love and appreciation for myself.
I highly recommend it. The practices themselves can feel so good.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
