The most amazing thing has happened to me recently.
It’s gone quiet in my head.
I’ve not been one of those people with songs constantly playing inside my brain, and I have had more and more moments of quiet and calm in the recent past. But in the last few weeks, it’s been amazing.
Up until then, whenever I was walking or biking – not intentionally being in a quiet-brain or an active-brain – I would find myself having conversations with people as I moved. Or at least my side of the conversations I felt I needed to have.
I would find myself explaining things over and over and “practicing” what I had to say to protect myself or defend myself or help someone understand my point of view. To keep myself feeling safe and feeling heard.
I’ve been working for a while now on needing to explain and defend and protect myself less. To realize that I probably don’t have to do that at all. I’ve also been working on finding the ways to powerfully and lovingly stand with and for myself, to quote Rick Hanson.
Then someone I love asked me to go along with what they felt was best, even though I knew it wasn’t best for me. I said no. As someone who was literally taught that “the individual sacrifices for the family,” saying no was a huge deal. I did it lovingly. I worked with them to find a solution that might work for most if not all. But I stood up for me and with and for me.
And the voices – the constant explaining and practicing that I used to find myself in – simply went away. My therapist suggested that all my inner “parts” (check out Internal Family Systems if you want to understand that more) now know that I will take care of us, and they settled down.
I bike now and just enjoy the biking. I walk, and I’m present in the moment and where I am. It is glorious. It is magnificent. It is spectacular even.
The quiet in my head is so beautiful.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
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