I think it’s human nature to take pretty much everything personally. And for those of us born and/or raised in a cult or extremist situation – or at least for me – it also has been my nature to know that I need to fix or mend or make it all better…make you all better.
That it’s not only about me, but that I can and must, to kick into my old Mighty Mouse complex, “come to save the day.”
Imagine my joy, deep learning, and absolute mind blowing, when Rick Hanson shared in one of his podcasts, “tattoo NMP (Not My Problem) on the inside of your eyelids.”
Life changes when I realize that it’s not my problem.
I may care. Pretty much always, of course I do. And if I’ve actually done “wrong,” it’s my responsibility and choice to make amends and at least try to shift my behavior going forward. And I can absolutely step in by choice to help someone out. But overall, it’s not my problem to fix others’ problems. It’s not my problem make it all better. It’s not my problem to save the day.
Ever since hearing this, I have shared it with many of my dearests and my clients as well. It pretty much blows their minds too.
I crawled into Al-Anon nearly forty years ago. “Don’t take it personally, even if it has your name on it,” they shared with me. I worked that slogan, that program, long and hard. It went so so so against the grooming of my cultic childhood, where everything was my problem, whether or not it had my name on it. Whether or not I was even in the room.
I’m finally deeply getting “Don’t take it personally, even if it has your name on it.” I’m finally deeply getting “tattoo NMP on the inside of your eyelids.” These are still quite contrary to the lies that were carved into my brain. They still can cause me a moment of pause.
And they can give me ultimate freedom. To take responsibility for what is mine. To shift the faulty gauges of over-responsibility and Mighty Mouse complex in my brain. To let the rest of it go. And let it go some more. And some more.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!
Photo by Lulu Simbi Tawala on nappy
