What other people think of me is none of my business…

What other people think of me is none of my business…

I first heard this decades ago, in Al-Anon. I’ll come clean – I’m still working on it. The concept blew me away back then. I repeated it over and over to myself. I shared it with clients. I etched it on my brain. I thought I “got it.” But damn, this one is hard for...
This simple question can change my day

This simple question can change my day

I learned years ago, in Al-Anon, to “pick up my mind and put it somewhere else” when I was distressed. I learned then – and again during my Positive Psychology certification – that while we think we feel certain ways because of what’s happening or what someone is...
It’s not about forgiveness…

It’s not about forgiveness…

I was interviewed on a podcast recently – I’ve been interviewed on many podcasts recently. The host asked me if I have (had) forgiven my mother yet. Maybe both of my parents, but definitely my mother. “It’s not about forgiveness,” I answered. There was a time I...
It’s okay where you are

It’s okay where you are

I heard it again. Every time I hear it, it helps. Where I am just now is fine. Damn, but that causes a sigh of relief Every. Single. Time. Where I am just now is fine, because it’s where I am. It has to be fine, because pushing against it just doesn’t work for me. I...
Stepping away from compulsive selflessness

Stepping away from compulsive selflessness

Compulsive selflessness. I wish I could say the term was mine, but I heard it from another Second Gen (someone born and/or raised in an extremist group) from the cult I grew up in. Compulsive selflessness. We were literally taught to “live our lives for the sake of...