This simple question can change my day

This simple question can change my day

I learned years ago, in Al-Anon, to “pick up my mind and put it somewhere else” when I was distressed. I learned then – and again during my Positive Psychology certification – that while we think we feel certain ways because of what’s happening or what someone is...
It’s not about forgiveness…

It’s not about forgiveness…

I was interviewed on a podcast recently – I’ve been interviewed on many podcasts recently. The host asked me if I have (had) forgiven my mother yet. Maybe both of my parents, but definitely my mother. “It’s not about forgiveness,” I answered. There was a time I...
It’s okay where you are

It’s okay where you are

I heard it again. Every time I hear it, it helps. Where I am just now is fine. Damn, but that causes a sigh of relief Every. Single. Time. Where I am just now is fine, because it’s where I am. It has to be fine, because pushing against it just doesn’t work for me. I...
Stepping away from compulsive selflessness

Stepping away from compulsive selflessness

Compulsive selflessness. I wish I could say the term was mine, but I heard it from another Second Gen (someone born and/or raised in an extremist group) from the cult I grew up in. Compulsive selflessness. We were literally taught to “live our lives for the sake of...
That’s the cult talking

That’s the cult talking

I believe I’ve written about this here, but it bears repeating. I have a friend, another Second Gen (those of us born and/or raised in an extremist situation), whose therapist has taught them to say to themselves – to counteract the crazy, harmful, self-loathing ideas...