A bit of spring memoir inspiration + a giveaway

I’ve been blogging about my life for almost five years and just the other day was attempting to articulate with my book launch team the special ‘space’ that blogging creates in the world — for my readers (hopefully) as well as for me.

I won’t lie, there’s a voice in my head tries to mess with me… I’m sharing too much. I’m not sharing enough. I’m damaged beyond belief. It wasn’t that bad. What am I even talking about? But I know from emails and conversations with all of you that by sharing my truth, just a little, I’m opening up the door for someone else to see themselves and in turn share their truth too.

It’s powerful stuff. So as long as I’m (mostly) not creating hurt for my husband and (always) not creating hurt for my kids, I’m going to share. I heard years ago, “we’re only as sick as our secrets,” and exposing my secrets has freed me and hopefully freed others as well.

Which is why it’s so exciting for me to work on the release of my memoir, To the Moon and Back: A childhood under the influence this fall. It’s probably not any surprise […]

I distract myself

The other day a dear friend asked me what I did when I was upset at something, or someone. When my anger or sadness was taking over every minute. How did I handle it to stay calm and okay?

I paused before answering. (Did I mention we were running, and I always have to pause to get enough breath to answer?) “I look at what’s good,” I told her.

“Oh,” she replied. “Do you mean you look to see all you have, and how many awful things could be true for you that aren’t, and you realize you should be grateful rather than upset?”

“No,” I answered (again after trying to catch my breath). “I look for things that feel good right now. I distract myself like I would a toddler.” Another pause.

“I notice the trees against the sky.” (As I’ve written here often.) “The sound of seagulls.” (I was just in Portland, Maine.) “I hug my kid.” (Or anyone who will let me.)

I distract myself.

I no longer believe in covering up or denying my feelings, and I certainly no longer believe in beating myself up because I’m sad or angry or struggling. I’ve learned to allow […]

What will ease my heart?

The weirdest thing is happening to me.

As I’ve written here, I am becoming more and more able to identify my false tapes as they surge into my head. And to breathe and ease them away.

“You deserve to die!” they scream inside me.

“Breathe, Lisa. It will pass,” I reply.

“You’re a worthless piece of s—t,” they counter. “You deserve to die.”

“Breathe sweetie,” I remind myself. “Breathe, and it will pass.”

And it does.

I breathe. I look around me. I remind myself – as quickly and as much as I can – that these are false tapes. Lies. Complete mistruths carved into my psyche through my misinterpretation of all that happened to and around me.

My parents split up. Must have been my fault. My mom left us for God. Must have been my fault. I hated that my mom left us for God. (Well, I’m assuming that I hated it, because I certainly never let myself feel it.) I am evil and deserve to die. Sexual abuse. I am damaged and deserve to die. I cry when I leave my mom. I am evil and undeserving…and deserve to die. The Messiah banishes me. I am absolutely […]